#he calls himself the best because he's extremely self aware

[eucidianlyendless]

Not quite what I intended to start as my latest art post, but I might as well start off with the most cringiest thing ever.

If you know, you know.

[mongeese]

I think Kim's psychological problems are so compelling to me because he doesn't even realize he has them. Like, I think Kim is extremely self aware in a lot of ways, knows where his failings are and what his insecurities are and what upsets him. I don't think he thinks of himself as perfect. But he does think of himself as normal. Healthy. He's too repressed to realize he's repressed, yknow? He tells Harry he doesn't talk to himself, he writes his thoughts down, not recognizing that that is a conversation with himself. He tells Harry it's better to focus on work, don't let yourself be weighed down by petty things like emotion, push that aside, and thinks that's absolutely the healthiest and best way to deal with difficult feelings. He knows that the RCM can be corrupt and that there are officers who intentionally abuse their power but still wholeheartedly believes in the institution -- and refused to recognize any cognitive dissonance there. I think this is a man who definitely intellectualizes his own brain and emotions, and when he can't do that, he ignores them. And then he calls that normal. Kim Kitsuragi the man that you are

[laroserie]

— Various x-men characters, baking with reader

— characters ; Scott Summers. Rogue. Logan Howlett.

— warning ; no particular tw. author is not great at baking but he had a baking phase so. very sweet / fluff and self-indulgent. can be seen as platonic or romantic. reminder that author has not read the comics (only saw the films + is watching the animated series, xmen evolution and 97) and doesn't know much about some characters ( ex Rogue ) so author is doing his best to characterise them. author has favorite and it's shows. author says a cake count as a pastry and a pastry is basically any baked goods (if you do not agree. soryr that suck)

– Scott Summers.

Scott seems to be the kind of guy to be very open to baking, depending on what you want to bake.

Simple things like, cookies or a chocolate cake ? Sure. He is your man, he will be very happy to bake with you.

Now if you want to do something more complicated like, macarons or hell a pie, he will pat your shoulder and say 'Good luck with that' and walk out of the room. He is not even attempting to bake things that are too hard.

Why should he, when he can make simple things that taste good. There is no need to try some extravagant bakeries that most likely won't end up being very tasty the first time.

But with enough coercion and 'begging' (which you could call 'annoying him to no end') he will concede, but don't get him wrong - he is not at fault nor taking responsibility if it end up being disgusting.

Scott is the type to be very commending even in the kitchen, he is still the 'leader', here he will give you instructions and let you do it - until he does it himself because 'you aren't doing it properly' (he is trying to fix this habit up, don't get too angry at him).

He is also the type to follow the recipe and measurements extremely close, but if he's, for example, measuring flour and there is a bit too much but you have your back turned, he'll just let it be, let it slide, because no one else but him is aware of it, so it's fine !

He is still fun to bake around with, of course, but, he is still very, ... himself while doing so.

Once you are done, Scott is most likely to let you have the first bite - he is staring you down waiting to hear if you like it or not before trying for himself.

If the outcome isn't exactly the greatest - Scott will make it his personal mission to master it. He will not be beaten by something as simple as a pastry.

– Rogue.

If you have Rogue to bake with you, she will be overjoyed. She could be so happy that you want to bake with her, baking is an activity you usually do with people you are close to, so in her eyes you wanting to bake with her, show that you see her as someone you are close to in the very least.

She'll tell you to wait a few seconds, be gone and come back with a binder with handwritten families recipes and ask you if you wanna try one of them.

Unlike Scott, she is the type to not really care about measurements, she try to follow the ones from the recipes but if there is a bit too much flour, she won't scoop some out of it, because after all, that shouldn't change the outcome right ?

But that is, if you follow a recipe, if you don't ... let's just say there will be enough cakes - or whatever you both made - for weeks. She isn't really great at guessing how much is too much or how much is not enough.

She is absolutely the type to tease you while baking, if you are making something that requires meringues, she will do the meringue test (the meringue test is that if you take the bowl it's in and flip it upside down and nothing drop - it good, if it drop it's not) but not take any precautions, like doing it over the sink or counter. She will give you small heart attack.

Even if you don't really follow the recipes and have to change a few ingredients in the middle of the process because there isn't enough or because you didn't have it, the outcome will taste quite good most of the time. Rogue, will go and make everyone in the manor have a taste - because everyone should have a bit of what you both spend time on.

– Logan Howlett

Okay, now, baking with Logan is something that could only happen once in a blue moon. If you ask him to bake with you, he won't answer you and just give you a look that scream 'do i look like a fucking baker to you ?'.

Now that said, if you do go on your plan of baking - without him - there is a high chance that he will watch you do so, he will lean on a counter and watch you go about your baking.

He will comments on what you are doing and says snarky remarks about what you are doing - that's in his opinion - wrong.

Logan may help you when you are struggling - you are supposed to mix something together but it's a bit too hard for you, he will extend his hand and tell you to give it to him. But that's as far as he will go - and giving you the sugar that's in the cabinet next to him.

If you are making something like cookies, he will take one without asking, because after all he 'assisted' you (told you, you really sucked at mixing eggs and flour and telling you to be more organised when you bake because you are making one hell of a mess).

[babydollmarauders]

SECOND (TO NONE) — JACK HUGHES

jack hughes x fem!reader

summary: in which y/n has spent most of her life loving Jack, only to always come up second to her sister

notes: can you tell i love Little Women? with that being said, i was extremely inspired by THE Laurie and Amy scene in Little Women (2019), therefore, one portion of dialogue in this fic is not my own but instead borrowed from the scene and all credits for that go to Greta Gerwig. (5.3k words)

it started on september 20th, 2017.

how pathetic is that? i remember the exact date that my sister brought home the boy i would fawn over for the rest of my days.

i remember it clear as day, though most of it could be from the long-held sisterly grudge of my sister telling me to take the bus home; she was waiting for a friend and didn’t want me ‘bugging’ them.

at the time, i figured it was one of her girl friends. but merely a few hours later, i would meet Jack Hughes.

that day would be the wrecking ball for the next six years of my life. day in and day out, from the ages of fifteen to twenty-one, if you were to ask me what i was thinking of, or rather who, the answer would always be Jack.

i spent years of my life wasting away in the agony of unrequited love. because while i was pining over him, he was pining over her.

*** May 6th, 2018 ***

my shirt sticks to my chest, raindrops drenching my clothing and my shoes thoroughly soaked from deep puddles. laughing as i reach the front porch, i glance behind me in await of my best friend.

“Spencer, you’re getting soaked!” i state, though i’m sure he’s extremely aware of his own status.

“it’s just water, y/n. it’s not hurting anyone.” i roll my eyes, Spencer’s natural poetic demeanor incredibly unsettling for a seventeen year old boy.

as he meets me on the porch, my hand finds the front doorknob, slinging open the door and stepping into the warm air. my clothes drip onto the entrance rug, Spencer pushing me aside in order to step in and shut the door behind us.

“mom! we’re home!” my voice echoes throughout the house as i slip my wet sandals off, dropping my shopping bags on the entryway table, Spencer following suit.

“she’s not home! she’s having lunch with Ellen!” my sister’s voice calls back, drifting towards me from the living room.

wandering down the hallway towards the living area, i peel Spencer’s US National Development Program sweatshirt over my head, my cream colored shirt rising slightly as it sticks to the wet hoodie.

“you’ll never guess who Spence and i saw at the-” my words fail me as i reach the living room, my sister sat on the couch beside her own best friend.

all too quickly, i’m suddenly self-conscious about my appearance. finding insecurity in the way my hair has frizzed up from the humidity of the day, and the way my saturated clothes stick to my body as though covered in honey.

nestled into Jack’s side, Sara raises an eyebrow towards me, her expression silently ordering me to leave; a stark contrast to that of her close friend, who smiles warmly towards me.

“hey, bug.” Jack grins, his arm slung around my sister’s shoulder and effectively stinging my soul. “sup, Spence?”

my best friend smiles at his teammate, ignoring Sara’s deadly stare and making himself at home on the gray couch.

“hey, Hughesy.” Spencer gives a nod of acknowledgment, “hey, malibu barbie.”

“i have a name, Knight.” Sara hisses, her nose scrunching in disgust towards my friend. “you’re getting the couch wet.”

“mhm.” Spencer mindlessly hums, turning his head to look back at my still motionless figure, “you coming, y/n/n?”

nodding, i join the three of them on the ‘L’ shaped couch.

“hi, Jack.” i can feel my face flush already, blood rising to my cheeks; the most traitorous display of my feelings.

but Jack just smiles, “how was the mall? crowded?”

“no, actually pretty empty for a weekend.” i reply, my voice meek.

Spencer cuts in, sending me an obnoxious and horribly hidden smirk, “should’ve come, Hughesy. you could’ve kept me company while this one tried on all her new pretty clothes.”

if this was my friend’s attempt at helping me, it sure was a sucky one. Sara’s eyes bounce between Jack, Spencer, and, i before she rolls them, announcing her departure to the bathroom. pushing off the couch, she knocks Jack’s arm off of her shoulders, his smile dropping just slightly as she leaves the room.

“kinda wanted to go.” Jack clears his throat, “but Sara wasn’t feeling it.”

now it’s Spencer’s turn to roll his eyes, nodding his head in understanding, “ah yes, and what Sara wants, Sara gets.”

if this were any other context, the months-long feud between my sister and my best friend would be amusing me in the highest degree; but in the moment, all i can feel is the nausea that bubbles up as Jack’s cheeks twinge pink at his teammates teasing.

“shut up, Spence.” he mutters, eyes flickering back towards me, slightly widened as if he just remembered i was there, “maybe you should do a fashion show for us, bug. Sara’s told me you used to do them for her when you get new clothes, let us see ‘em!”

the cadence in which he speaks, though i know it’s not his intention, makes me feel small. like i’m a child and not only one year younger than him. and yet, the idea that he wants to see me model all of my new clothes makes my heart flutter in my chest; nearly pounding against the bars of the cage i keep it in, wanting nothing more than for me to confess my feelings right then and there on the fabric couch of my living room, a rom-com, annoyingly fitting of the moment, paused on the tv, and my best friend sat right beside me.

“she told you that?”

“yeah,” his brows furrow, “she tells me plenty of stories of when you guys were younger. i love that she loves you.”

right. this is about her, not me.

i smile halfheartedly as Sara walks back into the room, taking her place back on the couch and underneath Jack’s arm.

for a moment, i wonder if he would still be so smitten if he knew that she doesn’t look at him the way that i do… the way that he looks at her. if he would still pine after her and bend to her will if he knew that she had been going on dates with one of the boys on the soccer team, and that she looked at him with stars in her eyes, the same way Jack looks at her. if he would still look past me, still think of me as nothing more than Sara’s little sister, if he knew she had no intentions to ever make something more of their friendship.

would he move on from her? look for someone else to give his affection to? and would i be wildly insane to wonder if it would be me?

“i actually think i’ll pass,” i finally speak again, a lovelorn quirk to my lips, “don’t want Sara getting any ideas to steal any of my new clothes.”

my sister laughs, eyes twinkling as she winks at me, “i’ll see them next time i go shopping in your closet, don’t worry.”

a small flash of disappointment shines through in Jack’s beautiful blue eyes before he nods, “alright, maybe next time.”

*** January 8th, 2023 ***

“Jack!” my voice carries over the noise of a crowded shoe store in New York City, pushing my way through the people as i watch Jack’s head whip around in confusion. “Jack!”

his eyes scan the store, only landing upon me once i’ve finally made my way through the gaggle of people, now a mere few feet from him.

a bright grin spreads across his face, eyes twinkling, “bug!”

his laugh permeates my ears as i launch myself at him, arms latching around his shoulders and making him teeter in place before finding his core balance, his arms spindling around my waist.

“what are you doing here?” he questions as we pull away, his hands still resting on my waist.

“in a shoe store, or in New York?”

“New York, obviously.” he chuckles.

“girls trip! we were bored out of our minds and decided to spend a couple weeks here.” i explain, craning my neck to see if i can spot my friends in the hectic store.

“we?” he repeats, “is…”

my smile dims at his forlorn yet hopeful expression, shaking my head, “oh, no. she’s not here.”

“i came with some friends.” i tell him and he nods, letting out a seemingly relieved breath. “i’m sorry again, Jack. i can’t believe she-”

“let’s not.” he interjects, “if that’s okay? i’d rather not talk about it.”

i agree, my sisters final rejection of him being the last thing on the list of topics i’d like to discuss with my unrequited teenage love.

“who’s this?” someone cuts in, a hand slapping down on Jack’s shoulder. the new guest has a heavy accent, a neat scruff adorning his face… he’s cute.

“oh, Neeks, this is bug, or sorry, y/n.” Jack’s hands drop from my waist, a long-familiar shiver running through me at the loss of his touch. turning partly towards his friend, Jack’s face brightens again. “y/n, this is my captain, Nico.”

“y/n,” Nico parrots, “you’re Sara’s sister, right?”

it takes everything in me not to cringe, having worked so hard to make myself into my own person now; no longer used to being known as ‘Sara’s sister’ like i was in school.

“yeah.” i sigh, nodding my head, “that’s me.”

i should’ve known better than to think i could be my own person when it comes to Jack. that i could be someone more than the girl who used to follow he and my sister around everywhere.

even with Jack’s new friends, ones that have no connection to me or Sara, i’m still just the little sister of the girl who broke his heart.

“she’s not just Sara’s sister.” Jack tells his captain. he slings an arm around my shoulder, that once disappeared flutter reappearing in my chest, “this girl is the best friend of Spencer Knight and Cole Caufield. she used to go everywhere with us.”

and just like that, the flutter is gone, died out in a sudden burst of flames.

Jack looks down at me, “have you spoken to them recently?”

“yeah.” i force a smile. “i speak to them almost every day.”

“sorry to cut the reunion short, but Jack, we have to go soon.” Nico speaks, gaining Jack’s attention again, “it was nice to meet you, y/n. hopefully i’ll see you again.”

Jack backs away, looking at me again, “text me! you should come to the lake house this summer!”

*** June 20th, 2024 ***

last summer, i spent two weeks of July at the Hughes lake house; my days filled by boating, tanning, and golfing; my nights consisting of bonfires and bars.

it was nice, being surrounded by people i’ve known since high school. i had even convinced Spencer to join me on the trip, though he ended up staying longer than i did.

i felt like those two weeks really helped me solidify myself as more than just ‘Sara’s sister’ to the guys, which provided me with a sense of closure with Jack.

no longer was my mind plagued of thoughts about him anymore. my nights no longer accompanied by dreams of the sweet, blue-eyed boy that i so desperately loved in high school. i felt free.

for the first time since i met him, i was able to date without holding out an unrealistic hope that he would randomly tell me he loved me back.

not long after returning home from the lake house, i met Ryan; a lawyer who knew nothing about the hockey world, which i felt was exactly what i needed.

he asked me out and for once in my life, i was able to say yes without feeling guilty. without feeling like somehow i was cheating on my unrequited love. i was finally able to move on from high school love, for the most part.

on our first few dates, i opened up to Ryan; i told him all about how inexperienced i really was with the dating scene and exactly why. i told him about my six years of unreturned love for my sisters ex-best friend. i told him that i was still friends with him but that i felt that love was in the past. and he was okay with it, he was understanding and sincere and he wanted to be the one i moved on with.

within a few months, i was moved in with Ryan, and now here we are, only a month short of our one year anniversary.

only an hour ago, i arrived to the lake house for the second summer in a row. this time, for a full month of relaxation and catching up with friends. Ryan would meet me here for the last week of my month, it not being quite as easy for him to get away from work as it is for me, and i can’t wait to introduce him to the friends who made high school so easy for me.

**

“y/n!” my peaceful tanning takes a turn when most of the guys arrive back from the grocery store, Trevor appearing to be the most excited to see me.

my eyelids peel open, hand rising to flick my sunglasses to the top of my head as i look over at the hyper hockey player, “hi, Trev.”

his hands slip into mine, helping me up from the lounge chair in order to sweep me into a tight hug.

“how’s life been?” he grins, pulling back and slinging his arm around my shoulder as he guides us into the house.

i can hear the ruckus of rowdy boys from outside, though that’s not at all shocking, in my experience.

“it’s been great.” my mind flickers to my boyfriend, the one who texted me merely thirty minutes ago to make sure i made it here safe, promising to call me when he gets his lunch break, “really great.”

at my pink cheeks and surely dopey smile, Trevor guffaws, pinching my cheek as we step into the house, “did our little bug get a boyfriend?!”

the house goes silent, Trevor’s voice bouncing off the walls and echoing through the downstairs.

“i’m not little.” i mumble, effectively embarrassed by the overwhelming reaction to the news, “i’m only a year younger than you.”

Cole and Spencer are the only two who already knew of the progression in my dating life, being the two people i talk to the most.

“you have a boyfriend?” a voice chimes from my left, and i look over to find Jack, his face soft and his hands full of grocery bags.

i bite back a smile, suddenly feeling hot under all their gazes. nodding, i speak again, “yeah, his name is Ryan. he’s the plus-one i asked about.”

“he’s here?!” Trevor shouts in exasperation.

i giggle, shaking my head at the way the guys all start looking around, all but Jack, “no! he’s coming in a few weeks! he can’t get off work so easily.”

Trevor drags me to the couch, Jack’s eyes following me as he sets the groceries on the table, slowly dragging his feet behind everyone towards the living room.

“what does he do?” “how old is he?” “is he treating you right?” “is he a hockey fan?” “is he hot?”

my brows furrow at the last question thrown at me, looking at Alex in bewilderment, “what? i feel like it’s a good question.”

a hearty laugh drops from my lips, lowering myself to the couch in preparation to answer their many questions.

“he’s a lawyer, he’s twenty-nine, he treats me amazingly, he’s not a hockey fan, and i think he’s pretty hot.”

a collective gasp is heard around the room, my friends looking at me in utter disbelief, “he’s not a hockey fan?”

Cole shudders, as if the idea is the worst thing possible, “you left that out.”

“i couldn’t have you hating on him!” i shout in defense. my eyes scan the room of guys, finally landing on Jack, who stands in the entrance of the room, his hands in his pockets and his lips downturned.

“is that really what you guys are focusing on?” he scoffs and my eyebrows pinch in confusion at his sour mood, “he’s seven years older than her, and you guys are more worried about the fact that he doesn’t like hockey?”

a small part of me feels like a teenager again, honored that he’s so worried about me, but a much larger part of me is offended for both me and my boyfriend.

“i’m an adult, Jack. i can make my own decisions and i’m very aware of Ryan and i’s age gap, but if i’m not uncomfortable with it then why should you be?”

Jack raises a brow at my spiteful tone, clearly not used to having it used on him, “i’ve known you for nearly seven years, bug. i’m just looking out for you.”

“well don’t,” i sneer, “i didn’t ask for you to look out for me. it’s not your job.”

the other boys squirm amidst the tension between Jack and i, Quinn the first to speak up again.

“so, how serious are you guys?”

Quinn’s question gathers my attention again, butterflies swarming in my stomach as i remember a moment just a couple weeks ago.

“i think he’s gonna propose soon.” i confess, my face burning as Spencer lets out an ‘ooooh!’

“i found a ring in his nightstand drawer a few weeks ago, i think he might do it on our anniversary.”

Cole reacts first, pulling me in for a hug as the others cheer out a premature ‘congratulations’, only one member of the group staying silent. but when i look back at the living room entrance, Jack is gone.

“i think this calls for some boating!” Trevor sings out, already jumping up from his seat to go get changed.

“you just want an excuse to go out on the boat!” Luke yells, Trevor nodding in agreement as he disappears up the stairs.

**

after an entire week of boating, wakesurfing, and golfing, we end our sunday night around a bonfire.

orange flames lick at the air, the added heat making the summer night sweltering. yet, most of us can be found sitting around the fire pit, enjoying each other’s company.

“dude, she wasn’t flirting with you.” Cole yells across the blazing fire to Trevor, who’s still convinced the girl he met this afternoon was hitting on him.

“she so was!” Trevor huffs, “you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

almost everyone rolls their eyes, the rest of us knowing the girl was incredibly uninterested in the hyperactive twenty-three year old.

“y/n, she was flirting with me, right?!” Trevor turns to me, eyes wide in await of my agreement, but it never comes.

scrunching my nose, my head shakes in denial, making him groan.

“the only other girl has spoken… that was not flirting!” Spencer announces, “better luck next time, Z.”

“i don’t think y/n would know flirting if it hit her in the face. she doesn’t count.” Jack laughs, raising his beer up to his lips as he smirks at my offended expression.

“i have a boyfriend! i know what flirting looks like!”

“a soon to be fiancé.” Alex wiggles his eyebrows, shimmying his shoulders in a teasing manner as he stands up, “i’m heading inside, it’s too hot out here.”

a few others mutter in agreement, rising from their chairs and following him into the house, leaving just me, Spencer, and Jack.

i sit in silence, watching the flames as the two boys converse, not yet ready to head inside. instead, i’m pulled off in my own thoughts, my mind twisting as i think of this past week.

i thought Jack and i were fine. he said last summer that he didn’t hold my sisters rejection against me, but now i’m wondering if he was lying. ever since i’ve arrived, he’s been nothing but cold shouldered and a bit bitter towards me.

but the oddest part is that it hurts me more than i’d like it to. it feels like my teenage years all over again, vying for his attention and affections, desperate for him to love me. i thought i was over this unreciprocated love, but now here i am again, my only comfort being the knowledge that Jack doesn’t love me like that, but i have someone back home who does.

Spencer’s lips press to the crown of my head, pulling my head out of my thoughts.

“i’m heading inside.” he tells me, earning a nod of acknowledgment from me as i tell him i’ll probably be in soon.

and then there were two.

Jack and i sit in silence for a while, neither of us daring to break the peace as we admire the fire. i push up from my seat, stepping a bit closer to the fire pit in order to watch the orange burn of the logs.

“don’t marry him.”

my head snaps over to Jack, his eyes now glued to me as my face contorts in confusion.

“what?” i gawk.

“don’t marry him.” he repeats, finally standing from his chair.

“why?”

“why?” he scoffs, “you know why.”

my mind is racing, my heart beating wildly in my chest as i turn to face him completely.

“no.” i shake my head, realization settling deep within the pits of my stomach, “no.”

“yes.” he steps closer, a mere 5 feet from me now, and i instinctively take a step back.

all week he’s been sour towards me and i’ve wondered what it meant, and now i know. he’s upset.

upset with me for finding someone else.

“no. Jack, you’re being mean.” i frown. old feelings rise inside of me, nausea plaguing me as tears spring to my eyes, and Jack closes up the space between us, his hand grasping my arm lightly, “stop it, stop it!”

“what? how am i being mean?” he mumbles, brows threading together as i shake off his touch.

“i have been second to Sara my whole life. in everything!” i cry lightly, “and i will not be the person you settle for just because you cannot have her.”

i step away, slowly backing up towards the house, still facing the man who held my heart for so long, only now wanting me when i’m finally taken.

“i won’t-” i stutter, gasping for breath, “i won’t do it. i won’t. not when i’ve spent my entire life loving you.”

Jack’s lips part as he stands in place, as if shocked. as though he wasn’t expecting such an easy confession to tumble from my lips.

“you just-” i sigh, tears spilling over my waterline as i freeze, the joints of my thumbs being pressed to my eyes in attempt to stop my crying, “why don’t you want me to be happy, Jack?

“i spent six years pining for you. i would’ve done anything to get you to love me. and all you wanted was her! and i don’t hate you for that, i can’t be mad at you, you can’t help who you love; but now that i’ve tried to move on, you want to tell me that i shouldn’t marry him? you don’t even love me!”

anger bubbles within me at the audacity that he holds, my hand flying between us in emphasis of my emotions.

“yes, i do!” he spits back, stepping towards me, “don’t tell me what i feel! just because i may not have felt it back then doesn’t mean i can’t feel it now!”

“you only want me because you can’t have her!” i argue.

“you keep saying that but that’s not true! and no matter how many times you say it, it’s not just gonna magically become true, y/n!

“maybe you want to be right because it would make this easier on you. but the truth is that spending time with you without Sara around just gave me the opportunity to get to know the real you. and yes, maybe i didn’t love you like this then, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that i love you now.”

his chest heaves as he closes the space between us once more, staring down at me the exact way that i’ve looked at him all these years; like i’m the only person in the world for him. like i hung the stars in the sky to shine just for him. like i hold his heart in my hands, the fate of his existence weighing in my decisions.

“i love the way you smile and the way that you speak so softly.” he whispers breathily, “i love seeing you in your glasses late at night, and the fact that somehow you’re always cold. i love your kind heart and the way that you care about everyone you meet, so easily. i love your smart mind and the fact that even though you know you’re smarter than literally everyone here, you don’t show it off or make us feel dumb. instead, you correct us lightly, even if it’s Trevor being stubborn and insisting he’s right.”

i let out a raspy chuckle at his words, tears still silently falling down my cheeks.

“i love your determination and that when you set your mind to something, you achieve it. i love your good and even what you say are your flaws. i love you, y/n. and i’m sorry that i didn’t see it before. tell me to back off and i will. tell me you choose him and i’ll leave you alone, i won’t push it. but i needed to tell you how i feel before it was too late.”

he finally ends his speech, his eyes flickering between my own and my lips.

my mind feels numb yet entirely too full with this new knowledge, and i can’t process it all with him staring at me expectantly.

“can i think about this? please?” i question, pulling away, “this is a lot for me to process right now and i need some time, Jack.

“i spent so long trying to get over you. i thought you would never like me the way that i like you, and now you’re telling me this and i have to make a decision and i just-”

“of course.” Jack cuts me off, nodding, “take however long you need. i don’t want you to feel rushed; really think about it, bug. i don’t want you to choose me just because you feel like you have to. if you want him, then choose him. but if you want me, i’m here. i’m telling you that i love you and i want you, and i’ll wait however long you need.”

i nod, turning and finally walking into the house, hands swiftly wiping at my cheeks to try and get rid of my tears before i reach the door, but it’s useless. just as fast as i wipe the old tears, new ones follow.

“and i— y/n, you okay?” Luke asks, stopping his story to the guys as i rush through the living room and towards the stairs.

i stop at the first step, sniffling but not turning to face them, “yeah, i’m gonna head to bed. i’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

a chorus of ‘goodnight’s are shouted my way as i ascend the stairs, shutting myself in my bedroom and locking the door.

crumpling to the bed, my tears won’t stop, heavy sobs wracking my chest.

hours pass by slowly until it’s eight in the morning, my body exhausted and aching from tossing and turning all night. i couldn’t shut my mind off, no matter how hard i tried.

i feel so conflicted, my heart being pulled into two directions, but i know that one direction is stronger than the other.

no matter how hard i tried to move on, i should’ve known that there was no ‘moving on’ from Jack. those feelings would always linger, still hidden under the guise of closure and friendship.

Jack is my home. my heart will always lie with him, no matter how long passes or who i meet.

my thumb hovers over Ryan’s contact, shaking but otherwise frozen, my body overwhelmed with anxiety at what might await me at the other end of the phone call.

the dial tone rings out, my cellphone now being pressed to my ear as i await the greeting from the other side.

“hey, babe. i was just about to call you.”

“you were?” my tone is raspy and low, my throat sore from crying.

“yeah, somethings come up. i don’t think i can make it on the trip like we planned.” a sense of relief fills me at his words.

“oh, that’s okay. i actually think i’m gonna come back early.” i tell him, my eyes staring straight ahead of me at my half packed suitcase.

“why’s that?”

“i think we need to talk.” i confess, pressure building back up on my chest as i think about the conversation awaiting me back home.

Ryan sighs gently and i can hear some papers being shuffled around, the creak of a door shutting before he speaks again.

“did you sleep with him?”

“what?” i’m appalled, my lips parted in disbelief.

“Jack. did you sleep with him?” he wonders so easily, like he just assumed it would happen.

“no!” i scoff.

“then it’s okay.” he replies, and though i don’t know how he would know, i can tell; he knows what i have to tell him. “i expected it. i really liked you, and i know you really liked me, but i’ve known from the start that i couldn’t compare to him.

“you may have have liked me, but you love him.” he tells me, “i just hope he doesn’t take you for granted, because you deserve the best. and if he is that for you, then i’m happy for you. but if he treats you like anything less… don’t settle, y/n.”

just when i had thought i had nothing left to give, more tears run down my rose tinted cheeks, “i’m sorry.”

“don’t be.” he’s stern with his words, showing me he means them, “i assume he told you how he feels?”

“yeah.” i sigh, “he loves me.”

“then don’t be sorry. you deserve to love and to be loved.”

“thank you.”

he mutters a goodbye, the call ending, and i feel a sense of determination flood through my veins.

rising off my bed, i fling open my bedroom door, stomping down the steps until i reach the kitchen, where i can hear the boys discussing the plan for the day.

at my whirlwind arrival, the boys silence, watching me with baited breath and curious eyes as i stalk towards Jack, who stands frozen at the counter.

“what’s going o-” Trevor’s words are quieted by the sound of my hand smacking against Jack’s cheek. the boys gasping at my action before Trevor begins to laugh.

“that’s for waiting so long.” i huff and Jack nods robotically.

“so i’m guessing that’s a no?” he wonders, voice solemn, as though accepting defeat.

“shut up.” i whisper.

my hands glide over his shoulders, wrapping around the nape of his neck as i pull him down towards me, crashing my lips upon his in a bruising kiss.

“oh!” “what the fuck!”

our friends reactions are thoroughly ignored, Jack’s hands coming to rest on my waist, his fingers gripping into my hips as he deepens the kiss. his tongue slides past my parted lips, but i pull away before we can get any farther in front of our friends.

“and that’s my decision.” i whisper, a beautiful smile spreading across his lips, “don’t make me regret it.”

“i wouldn’t dream of it, bug.”

[ultimate-marysue]

I made some sort of alignment classification based on whether they're impulsive or if they plan ahead for the Batfam. Feel free to correct me (politely please, I'll cry) or to add your opinion. I'm not trying to be super canon, just based on their characters' vibes.

Bruce Wayne: 100% planner. This man could be a Bene Gesserit, plans within plans, and they always work even if they shouldn't (because DC can't have him be wrong). It's like a choose your own adventure, you follow the plan and each time something new happens that is sure to chase things up he pulls a subsection specifically for it. Senior Justice League Members just don't question him anymore no matter what. "You had a contingency for getting invaded by mind controlling ballerina spiders? Yeah, sure, tell us all about it".

Barbara Gordon: she plans around her impulses. She is self aware enough at this point to know she's a bit of a hot head. It is what it is, she's called Batman an Emo Boy's idea of Therapy enough times to his face to know she just can't help herself with some stuff. So instead of working against it she plans around it. In the end, it was her plan all along. Canary thinks she could just hold her tongue, but considering the vigilantes Oracle manages, her experience in planning for these situations is invaluable.

Dick Grayson: Impulsive, not because he can't make plans or because he isn't smart. Quite the opposite. He just has that ADHD dog in him. He would be guiding the Titans through a mission and they'd be thinking "Woah, everything is going according to his plan", meanwhile inside his head is Bear Grylls saying "Improvise, Adapt, Overcome". It's not so much that he comes up with plans on the spot but he ends up changing it along the way because he thought of something better for that specific situation. He may use B's protocols for a general structure but then trusts his instinct to come up with something better on the spot.

Cassandra Cain: Neither. She's not one to be coming up with elaborate schemes but, as much as she relies on her instinct, she's able to stop before jumping. She doesn't need to plan, she knows what works. She observes and then takes the best course of action. When Bruce goes on and on about the importance of planning she just answers "Skill issue" and leaves.

Jason Todd: impulsive planner. This is a man that makes plans, okay? He's theatre kid coded, he needs to know his little monologues by heart. The thing is, he's also very emotional and has the impulse control of a toddler in front of the cookie jar. He can't help himself, he has to punch the asshole and make the witty comeback or he will explode. The outlaws have been grilled to death on the importance of following the plan but then watch him like ten minutes later throw it out the window. They find it both endearing and annoying.

Stephanie Brown: Queen of Chaos. She can plan. She's good at it too btw, she just doesn't want to if she can avoid it. She works best when she's improvising and it drives Bruce and Tim up the walls. They just hate to see women winning. She's the best one out of all of them at turning a mistake to her advantage in a matter of seconds. It's quite impressive.

Tim Drake: Chaotic planner. Everyone is so sure Tim is a mini Bruce and to a certain extent, if you squint your eyes, then yes. But Young Just Us know the truth: his plans are extremely effective but only in the most chaotic way possible. There's the Batman plan, and there's the Red Robin plan, which is like the first one but faster and with more fire. He also has to be periodically reminded to take into account his own wellbeing when making his little schemes.

Duke Thomas: plans on the go. I don't know how else to explain it but it's like those sequences in the Sherlock movies (the ones with RDJ) where he's watching his surroundings and opponents almost in slow-mo till he puts together a plan. It's similar to Dick from the outside, but if you pay attention you can see the wheels turning in his head as he goes along. He actually stops and thinks (metaphorically, most of the time his thinking is done while he distracts enemies).

Damian Al Gul Wayne: he's a strategist, not a planner. This is an important distinction because whenever Batman or Red Robin are explaining one of their convoluted plans he feels like he's actively losing braincells. He's closer to Cassandra in the way he prefers a more direct solution. He also gets palpitations anytime Jason or Stephanie just start doing things without thinking. If he knew what Dick's thought process was he would have probably developed an anxiety disorder in his time as Dick's robin. He doesn't understand the need for such high detail planning and hates the idea of making it along the way. No, he just needs to come up with the most efficient strategy and that's all.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Ok so Harry has a tendency to blatantly state out loud just how much the Dursleys don't give two shits about him (to the point that the people around him think it's just a typical teenager over exaggerating their complaints), but... Does he realise that the way he is being treated by them is wrong?

Also like, I know that the way the Dursleys treated him plays a huge part in the way Harry behaves and views himself- specifically him not thinking an adult is a reliable source of help and protection + his disastrouly low self esteem + how he doesn't respond to Snape's everything (which is the exact opposite of what James would have done) ... But what are the other ways in which he got affected and it shows? (Someone once mentioned that they hc that when feeling extreme emotions Harry tends to skip out on food and may have nearly wasted away in his second year had it not been for Ron and Hermione- which is also why they act so much like Harry's bodyguards)

Yep, Harry put no effort into hiding his abuse. He literally told anyone who would listen. By 5th year, he was making jokes about it to Ron and Hermione who seemed used to it.

Now, you've raised a few questions and I'll try to answer them to the best of my ability.

Does he realise that the way he is being treated by them is wrong?

I think he does. Most of his comments about his relatives' treatment definitely sound like Harry is very aware that he shouldn't be treated like that.

“I told you, I didn’t — but it’ll take too long to explain now — look, can you tell them at Hogwarts that the Dursleys have locked me up and won’t let me come back, and obviously I can’t magic myself out, because the Ministry’ll think that’s the second spell I’ve done in three days, so —” “Stop gibbering,” said Ron. “We’ve come to take you home with us.” “But you can’t magic me out either —” “We don’t need to,” said Ron, jerking his head toward the front seat and grinning. “You forget who I’ve got with me.” “Tie that around the bars,” said Fred, throwing the end of a rope to Harry. “If the Dursleys wake up, I’m dead,” said Harry as he tied the rope tightly around a bar and Fred revved up the car. “Don’t worry,” said Fred, “and stand back.”

(COS, page 31)

“It was cloudy, Mum!” said Fred. “You keep your mouth closed while you’re eating!” Mrs. Weasley snapped. “They were starving him, Mum!” said George. “And you!” said Mrs. Weasley, but it was with a slightly softened expression that she started cutting Harry bread and buttering it for him.

(COS, page 39)

But Harry wasn’t going to stand for this. Gone were the days when he had been forced to take every single one of the Dursleys’ stupid rules.

(GOF, page 33)

“Excellent,” said Lupin, looking up as Tonks and Harry entered. “We’ve got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we’re ready. Harry, I’ve left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry —” “They won’t,” said Harry. “That you’re safe —” “That’ll just depress them.” “— and you’ll see them next summer.” “Do I have to?” Lupin smiled but made no answer.

(OOTP, page 54)

“You don’t seem to need many qualifications to liaise with Muggles. . . . All they want is an O.W.L. in Muggle Studies. . . . ‘Much more important is your enthusiasm, patience, and a good sense of fun!’ ” “You’d need more than a good sense of fun to liaise with my uncle,” said Harry darkly. “Good sense of when to duck, more like . . .”

(OOTP, page 657)

It seems Harry is very much aware that the way he is being treated is wrong. the younger Weasleys and Hermione are clearly aware of that too. Harry calls the Dursleys' rules stupid, he knows the Dursleys aren't treating him the way they should and that he doesn't have to take it. That he shouldn't have to take it.

Harry is kind of a best-case scenario of an abused kid and Dumbledore was so lucky Harry ended up functional enough for his plans. It could've so easily gone down differently.

Honestly, I'm enraged on Harry's behalf at how Arthur, Molly, and Lupin (and every other adult) just completely ignore his mistreatment. He really does just state plainly what's going on and has Ron, Fred, George, and Hermione backing up everything he says.

What are the other ways in which he got affected and it shows?

I do like when Harry's approach to food is affected by the Dursleys starving him, that being said, there isn't really any book evidence for it. It's an interesting headcanon to explore though. His low self-esteem, willingness to endanger himself, and his thinking that adults be counted on are definitely effects seen in the books. As for other things we do see in the books:

1. Harry is actually really quiet. He doesn't speak as much as Ron and Hermione and he's pretty awkward with social interaction. He mimics Ron in many ways since he never had any friends before him.

His approach to studying is one of the ways he mimics Ron socially. Harry actually read their school books before 1st year, he found Hedwig's name in a History of Magic. And he planned to study at the beginning of Philosopher's Stone. Then he meets Ron and realizes no one in Gryffindor except Hermione actually studies, and she is hated for it. So he didn't bother studying either, even though he planned to because he wanted to fit in.

2. Harry isn't great at emotional regulation, specifically anger. Harry is a pretty angry character and throughout the books, he actually has moments when he completely loses himself to a sense of anger.

A boiling hate erupted in Harry’s chest, leaving no place for fear. For the first time in his life, he wanted his wand back in his hand, not to defend himself, but to attack . . . to kill.

(POA, page 339)

“Madame Maxime!” said Fleur at once, striding over to her headmistress. “Zey are saying zat zis little boy is to compete also!” Somewhere under Harry’s numb disbelief he felt a ripple of anger. Little boy?

(GOF, page 275)

Harry sat there staring at Snape as the lesson began, picturing horrific things happening to him. . . . If only he knew how to do the Cruciatus Curse . . . he’d have Snape flat on his back like that spider, jerking and twitching. . . .

(GOF, page 300)

If Dudley’s friends saw him sitting here, they would be sure to make a beeline for him, and what would Dudley do then? He wouldn’t want to lose face in front of the gang, but he’d be terrified of provoking Harry. . . . It would be really fun to watch Dudley’s dilemma; to taunt him, watch him, with him powerless to respond . . . and if any of the others tried hitting Harry, Harry was ready — he had his wand . . . let them try . . . He’d love to vent some of his frustration on the boys who had once made his life hell —

(OOTP, page 11)

He does calm down the older he gets. But he definitely has a lot of anger in him.

3. Harry, in general, has a disrespect for authority. I assume this is an extension of his distrust of adults, in that no teacher or nurse ever helped him. Harry is so anti-authority and anti-orders, that he can resist the Imperius Curse decently from the first try.

Harry just doesn't do orders or authority. Actually in the earlier books, and even in books 6 and 7, Harry has his doubts about Dumbledore. He repeatedly tells people he's Dumbledore's man, but in his head, he has doubts. Like he has for any other adult with authority over him.

“Dumbledore’s been driven out of this castle by the mere memory of me!” he hissed. “He’s not as gone as you might think!” Harry retorted. He was speaking at random, wanting to scare Riddle, wishing rather than believing it to be true —

(COS, page 282)

“Because the Ministry of Magic’s still after me, and Voldemort will know all about me being an Animagus by now, Wormtail will have told him, so my big disguise is useless. There’s not much I can do for the Order of the Phoenix . . . or so Dumbledore feels.” There was something about the slightly flattened tone of voice in which Sirius uttered Dumbledore’s name that told Harry that Sirius was not very happy with the headmaster either. Harry felt a sudden upsurge of affection for his godfather.

(OOTP, pages 82-83)

He's very distrusting of adults and authority, but also his peers. He doesn't tell Ron and Hermione everything in the earlier books because he is very slow to trust. Which, makes sense for someone who grew up like he did.

4. His occasional impulsiveness is an extension of his issues with emotional regulation, I think.

5. I think Harry's cunning Slytherin streak is a result of his abuse. The Dursleys' mistreatment taught him to sneak around, to lie, to be clever. It taught him to keep a blank face when being yelled at because if he reacted it'll make it worse.

He learned how to insult the Dursleys in ways that go over Dudley's head. His little way to rebel.

6. His response to pain as well. We see it with Umbridge and the blood quill for example:

He let out a gasp of pain. The words had appeared on the parchment in what appeared to be shining red ink. At the same time, the words had appeared on the back of Harry’s right hand, cut into his skin as though traced there by a scalpel — yet even as he stared at the shining cut, the skin healed over again, leaving the place where it had been slightly redder than before but quite smooth. Harry looked around at Umbridge. She was watching him, her wide, toadlike mouth stretched in a smile. “Yes?” “Nothing,” said Harry quietly. He looked back at the parchment, placed the quill upon it once more, wrote I must not tell lies, and felt the searing pain on the back of his hand for a second time

(OOTP, page 267)

Harry can hide his pain and not react to it, and he does it well. He learned from the Dursleys that she wants to see his pain, and he isn't going to give her what she wants. Instead, he grits his teeth through it and doesn't react externally.

Even later in the book when Umbridge threatens with the Crociatus Curse, Harry just braces himself for it, not planning to break (in later books too, Harry is very willing to get hurt and just deal with it). He is willing to take torture without reacting, and I think this is something he got from the Dursleys.

These are the some other things that came to mind regarding your question. There are probably more that I can't think of now that I might add later. Harry is who he is in part because of his nightmare of a childhood. So many facets of his personality just link back to it.

[shepherds-of-haven]

How would the ROs rate their own attractiveness? Like do they consider themselves attractive?

Huh, good question!

Blade: he is distantly aware that other people/society in general considers him to be good-looking in some capacity. (By Ket standards, he and Gladius both are considered to be blessed with markedly good looks, but almost in a 'pretty boy' kind of way. Gladius is considered like stunningly beautiful while Blade has more of 'effortlessly hot' aura). So he would say other people probably think he's "above-average" in looks (but he also believes it to be more of a muscularity/strength thing than things like his facial features. Like women, if they do find him attractive, probably think so because he looks like a strong provider LMAO). But he himself doesn't think about his own attractiveness or appearance beyond what good hygiene and proper presentation dictate... he hardly spares himself a glance in the mirror most days. As you can tell by his haircut choices

Trouble: he considers himself to be average in looks, neither particularly handsome or particularly ugly, just exactly in the middle of the road! If asked to describe his own attractiveness in more detail, he'd probably say something like, "I clean up okay. I'm a decent-looking working-class guy? *shrug* I don't think anyone would be mad if I showed up at their doorstep with a bouquet of flowers, but artists aren't swooning over my cheekbones, either"

Tallys: Tallys considers herself to be a good-looking woman, probably an 8 if we're using a scale, a 9 if she put more effort into being conventionally beautiful (doing things like growing out her hair (!), using makeup or perfume, dressing well, etc.). She's confident in her own attractiveness and doesn't find much fault with her own features or body, but she also knows that doesn't mean she's everyone's specific cup of tea, either! She just believes that, according to a general standard, she rates highly in most areas, and no one could sincerely call her ugly. It helps that she's an Elf, since most of them have a high standard of confidence when it comes to their natural beauty!

Shery: before she joined the Shepherds, she believed herself to be average or below-average, and believed herself to be "mousy": hiding behind her bangs and spectacles was not something she ever saw conventionally beautiful people doing, so she grew up thinking she was forgettable or unremarkable, though not necessarily ugly or outright unattractive. Just sort of "plain." However, since joining and noticing that there are people who seem to compliment or even crush on her, she's since come to tentatively revise that opinion and thinks she could probably be considered "cute" by some people's standards, but she still thinks that her personality makes it hard for anyone to really notice her or become completely enthralled by her... so she would say she's probably like a 6 or 7 by looks alone, which she's content with!

Riel: as like a work of art or a painting (so judging by pure aesthetics alone, devoid of other considerations), he believes he rates around an 8 just going by the symmetry of his facial features, his taste in clothes, the fact that he's well-groomed, but he's a bit self-conscious of how he rates in terms of desirability or sexual appeal, which is a different thing entirely (in his own mind). Like, you can admit a painting is beautiful, but you don't want to fuck a painting? In those terms, he believes he falls well below the standards of the masculine ideal, probably resting at a 5, though he believes he makes up for it in other areas (wealth, intellect, uniqueness, etc). It doesn't bother him that much, but it is something that he is aware of at the back of his mind!

Chase: He thinks he's pretty good-looking (🙄), but that the effect is best felt and supplemented by his in-person charisma, charm, aura, and general personality. This is an extremely topical/dated example, but it's sort of like how a lot of people were largely indifferent to Glen Powell going strictly by looks alone, but then they saw him acting in Twisters or Top Gun or whatever and saw his chemistry with his co-stars and were suddenly like "oh 😳" Like he needs to be seen in action to really feel attracted to him?? Anyway, Chase thinks that if you were to see a perfect painting of him in a gallery, he's good-looking enough alone to make you stop and admire him, so probably like an 8... but his magnetism in person brings that to a 10 LOL

Red: He "doesn't really think about it" (🙄)--he more spends time grooming and styling himself to his own standards rather than really fretting over what other people would perceive or rate him as, but if you really pressed up, I think he'd say he's an 8 on a good day, potentially a 9 if he were to try very hard, but he'd sort of vaguely look around at everyone else to confirm if this was an arrogant thing for him to say lol, so he's definitely not totally sure about it! There aren't too many things he finds fault with when it comes to his physical appearance or body--he's generally satisfied and content in that department--but he also would never argue he's some great show-stopping beauty or gorgeous model: he just quietly lives with the idea that most people think he's a naturally pretty handsome guy!

Ayla: this is sad, but she probably rates herself a 3, maybe a 4 on a good day. 😕 Ayla thought she dispensed with thinking about her own appearance or attractiveness long ago, having accepted the fact that most people perceived her as this ragged, scrappy loner who mostly lived on the road and was lucky if she could find a stream to wash her hair in. She never possessed a mirror and, the rare times she stayed in a room that had one, she used it to check herself over for hidden injuries or things on her back and then went on her way... and none of this really mattered to her because she spent so much of her time alone. No one was really looking at her, she wasn't looking at herself, so who cared if she looked like a half-drowned rat with her hair growing into her eyes while she shook sand out of her clothes? Since joining the Shepherds, however, her private consciousness of her appearance has naturally increased, and sometimes she can feel quite down about it (especially when faced with the elegant grace of Tallys, the feminine cuteness of Shery, or the show-stopping beauty of Lavinet). Part of being in a group that she avoided was the vulnerability of natural comparison: no one's comparing you to anyone if you stand alone, but with the Shepherds, of course that's going to happen, even if only in her own mind... Anyway, this is a lot to say that she considers herself to be below-average in attractiveness, but is filled with a sullen self-loathing and pride when she considers doing anything to try to change that fact, so she just... resigns herself to feeling that way forever, if that makes any sense!

Briony: she thinks she's cute and can edge over into pretty when she tries really hard, so she'd probably say she hovers between a 6 and a 7 on an average day? While she thinks she has advantages like her striking hair color and eyes, she has areas that she privately feels a bit insecure about: she feels her face is too round, her nose is too short, feels like she's a bit short and compact and boyish in body when she's rather be tall and leggy like Tallys or buxom and curvaceous like Lavinet, etc. etc. It's not something that really bothers her--she figures that everybody feels that way about themselves--so she's happy with being "above-average" on most days. It's only when she's crushing on somebody and isn't sure of how they perceive her that she gets really unsure and self-conscious about it, and then she really obviously throws herself into styling herself to appear more feminine!

Lavinet: don't hate her, but she definitely thinks she's a 10 LOL. This is partly due to the fact that, by Blest beauty standards, she pretty much is a paragon of desirability, and everyone in her life has treated her as if she were a 10 or even outright said so... so there's really no reason for her to think otherwise! There are always small things she would tweak if she gave any thought to it, but in general she's been very happy with her appearance and how she's been able to use it as a tool to accomplish her goals in life!

Halek: he is well aware that he's gorgeous... he wouldn't say this out loud because he knows he'd get endlessly ragged on, but he'd probably say he's a 10 LMAO, maybe 9 so as to give the appearance of some humility... It's not even something he's arrogant about, he's just like aware of general beauty standards and is like 'yeah by no choice of my own and by complete accident of birth, i happen to fit these really well? *shrug*" It's nbd... and it's part of where his bde comes from, I'm sure

[saintsenara]

Thoughts on Ron and Hermione as a ship?

thank you very much for the ask, @thesilverstarling!

i’ll state my position straight away: book ron and hermione are the best of the canon couples.

they will have a long and extremely happy marriage made rich by great and stalwart love, lust, fun, and faithfulness, rather than held together by duty and couples’ therapy like so many readers and authors (including jkr, who seems to have decided to spend the years since the conclusion of the series failing to understand anything about her own characters) tend to think.

i will state another position straight away: lest i seem like i’m just a fan with blinkers on, i think this even though hermione is, by far, my least favourite member of the trio. if she were real i would detest her, and i dislike how she is treated by the narrative as always justified in her negative characteristics. i like fanon hermione - perfect and preternaturally good - even less.

as a result, i think that it’s ridiculous that jkr has said that she thought ron needed to ‘become worthy’ of hermione. they belong together as equals - which is what they’re set up in the narrative as being from the off - and i hate seeing that undermined.

because ronald weasley? he’s an icon. and he doesn’t get anywhere near the respect he deserves in fandom.

there are multiple reasons for this - ron’s narrative purpose is to be the everyman sidekick, and so he is able to be less special than harry or hermione (the helper-figure); the amount of aristocracy wank in this fandom means that the weasleys’ ordinariness is less appealing to writers than making harry have twenty different lordships and call himself hadrian; the narrative interrogates ron’s flaws - especially his capacity for jealousy - much more intensively than it interrogates either hermione’s (cruel, inflexible, meddling) or harry’s (reckless, self-absorbed, judgemental) - but one i feel is particularly significant is that ron is such a british character that many of his traits are not understood as intended by non-british readers.

in particular - as is outlined in this excellent meta by @whinlatter - ron’s sense of humour isn’t indicative of immaturity or a lack of seriousness, but is, in fact, evidence that he’s the most emotionally aware of the trio.

ron is shown throughout the series to understand how both harry and hermione need to have their emotions approached - and i think there is no piece of writing which says this better than crocodile heart by @floreatcastellumposts:

That was what she liked most about Ron, she thought vaguely. He was very good at being suitably outraged on your behalf. For Harry, for her, for Neville. That sort of thing mattered, when you were hurt or embarrassed or wronged in some way. You needed to have someone else on your side, to be as emotional as you felt, maybe even more so, so that you might feel a bit more normal. It was very decent of him, and she was not sure he realised he did it.

ron’s inherent emotional awareness is an enormous source of comfort to other people. he does the work which isn’t flashy or special - he makes tea and tells jokes and is just there - but which is needed in healthy human relationships far more frequently than a willingness to fight to the death for the other person.

[as an aside, this normality - even though i think it is assumed rather than justified by the text - is also what ginny provides for harry. if you believe that hinny are a good couple but romione aren’t… i can’t help you.]

but let’s look at some specific reasons why ron and hermione belong together:

their communication styles mesh perfectly. ron is the only person hermione knows who feeds her love of being challenged and debated, and who is able to engage in this way of communicating without becoming irate when she refuses to back down. ron is good at picking his battles, but he’s also good at recognising that hermione’s tendency to argue isn’t intended to be confrontational a lot of the time - it’s just the way she works through feelings and problems. he’s far more easy-going about her tendency to nag, interrupt, try to provoke arguments, or speak condescendingly than he’s given credit for - and hermione evidently respects this, since when he does tell her not to push a situation (above all, when she’s trying to needle harry into talking about sirius), she listens to him.

that ron and hermione’s tendency to bicker is taken by fans to be a bad thing is because it’s something harry - from whose perspective the narrative is written - doesn’t understand. harry is extremely conflict-avoidant - he tends to take being pushed on views and opinions he has to be insulting; and he has a tendency to assume that he is right which is just as profound as hermione’s. he and ginny communicate not by debating, but by ginny having no time for his rigidity and refusing to indulge it - but ron and hermione bickering about everything is not a negative thing within their specific emotional dynamic.

[as another aside, this glaring chasm in communication styles is why harry and hermione would be a disaster as a couple.]

they each provide validation the other needs. it’s clear - reading between the lines - that hermione is a tremendously lonely person. the friendlessness of her initial few weeks at hogwarts seems to be a continuation of her experience as a child, and - outside of ron and harry - that friendlessness endures through her schooldays. i’m always struck, for example, by the fact that, when she falls out with ron in prisoner of azkaban, she has no-one else to spend time with, and that this is only avoided in half-blood prince because harry decides not to freeze her out. i don’t think her friendship with ginny is anywhere near as close as fanon seems to imply (ginny has no interest in being nagged either), nor do i think that she’s anywhere near as close to neville (not least because she is so condescending to him) as she’s often written to be.

and this loneliness seems to stretch beyond hogwarts. the absence of hermione’s parents’ from the narrative is - in a doylist sense - clearly just a device to maximise time with the trio all together, but the watsonian reading is that she doesn’t have a particularly good relationship with them. hermione’s obviously upper-middle-class background - the name! the skiing! the holidays in the south of france! - can be presumed, i think, to come with a series of expectations from her parents which she feels constantly that she’s not entirely meeting, particularly expectations attached to academic success.

[for example, the grangers - were she a muggle child - would undoubtedly have ambitions for her to attend an elite university and then go into a prestigious career. tertiary education of the type that they’re familiar with doesn’t seem to exist in the wizarding world - most careers seem to be taught by apprenticeship - and this, alongside all the other divides between the magical and muggle worlds which contribute to the distance between them, would be one very obvious area in which she felt the need to prove herself to them.]

ron, too, has quite a difficult relationship with his position in the family - voldemort’s locket is not wrong to point out that he seems to receive considerably less of his mother’s emotional attention than ginny or the rest of his brothers - and he too is constrained by expectations which he doesn’t know how to explain he has no interest in - above all, molly’s desire for her sons to achieve top grades and go into the ministry.

he also suffers while at hogwarts from being ‘harry potter’s best friend’, something which harry never appreciates. but hermione does. she recognises ron’s jealousy and never allows harry to minimise it (and she and ron are very much aligned on having no respect for harry’s saviour and martyr complexes). she appreciates ron’s strengths - above all his kindness and his sense of humour - and makes him feel as though he’s achieved things with them. and ron does the same for her; he is hugely observant when it comes to her, and he challenges and defends her.

the two of them clearly spend a lot of time together one-on-one while harry’s involved in his various shenanigans (including outside of school - hermione has often arrived at the burrow days or even weeks before harry, and they seem to write to each other frequently when apart). they do this within a relationship which is fundamentally equal. one issue with hinny is that, post-war, harry is going to have to get used to seeing ginny as a peer, rather than as someone he has to protect. but ron and hermione never have that issue - equality is baked into their relationship from the off.

because, to be quite frank, fandom overstates the role that jealousy plays in their relationship. it’s true that ron certainly doesn’t acquit himself brilliantly when it comes to hermione’s relationship with viktor krum (it’s because he’s bi and doesn’t know it yet), and a tendency to externalise his insecurity into trying to make others also feel insecure is one of his primary negative traits (hermione does this too, via her patented lofty voice when she’s trying to condescend to people). but this is often taken as the initial red flag for how the relationship would crash and burn, and ron’s toxic jealousy is often used in fan-fiction as the trigger for emotional and physical violence towards hermione which, frequently, seems to drive her into the arms of either draco malfoy or severus snape… who are, of course, the first people we think of when we hear the words ‘not prone to jealousy’...

but i think it’s important to point out several things in defence of ron’s jealousy over krum. firstly, hermione evidently regards his jealousy as ridiculous - she’s upset by it, yes, but her upset must be understood as being caused by the fact that she wanted him to ask her out. she doesn’t think he’s being possessive, she thinks he’s being stupid. secondly, hermione is equally as jealous over ron’s crush on fleur delacour and relationship with lavender brown. she behaves just as cruelly when it comes to lavender as ron does when it comes to krum - and the narrative only treats her actions as more sympathetic or justified both because harry dislikes lavender too, and because, by that point in the series, jkr has dispensed with any inclination to ever criticise her.

but, outside of this teenage pettiness, ron is never jealous of hermione over things which matter. he is never jealous of her intelligence or competence or ambition or success (indeed, he defends her constantly from attacks designed to undermine her in these areas). for someone who struggles with being overshadowed by harry, he is never upset at being overshadowed by her. he is clearly going to be happy to support her in any of the career ambitions she can be written as having post-war.

and, on this point, i think it’s worth interrogating why so many readers still seem to feel uncomfortable with the idea of ron and hermione having a dynamic where she is the more ‘powerful’ one. [it’s always a bit trite to say ‘but what if the genders were reversed?’, but actually that’s not irrelevant here]. if hermione ends up taking the ministry by storm and ron becomes a stay-at-home father or has a job which is just to pay the bills, what, precisely, is wrong with that? why, precisely, should hermione regard ron making that choice for himself as a negative thing? hermione so often seems to leave ron in fan-fiction because of a lack of ambition - something which seems to be particularly common in dramione - but, in canon, she is shown to not particularly care if ron and harry do the bare minimum when it comes to studying etc. she nags them to do their work so they don’t get in trouble. she doesn’t nag them to do it to the same standard that she would.

and, actually, i think that ron being less ambitious than hermione is something which is key to how well they work. because ron provides not only emotional support, but emotional clarity.

hermione is shown throughout canon to - just as harry does - have a tendency to become obsessive to the detriment of her own health. she is also often - as harry is - emotionally or intellectually inflexible, and finds it hard to move on when what she feels or believes is proven to be wrong. both she and harry are micro-thinkers, who lean towards knee-jerk assumptions and stubborn convictions (and, indeed, hermione has a remarkably hagrid-ish tendency towards blind loyalty).

ron is none of these things. ron is a big-picture thinker (it’s why he’s so good at chess). he’s a pragmatist. he’s the least righteous of the three. he understands that faith and loyalty are choices, and that sometimes these choices will lead to outcomes which are bad or hard. he is the one of the three most willing to own up to having made mistakes. he is the one least likely to act on gut instinct (and, therefore, the hardest to fool - i think it’s worth emphasising that he clocks that tom riddle is tricking harry immediately, the only one of the trio to do so). he understands that things are a marathon, not a sprint. he is the least obsessive.

and these traits contribute to aspects of his character which are underappreciated. ron worries about hermione making herself ill during exams, or when she is using the time-turner, and makes an effort to get her to set healthy boundaries and redirect her anxiety. ron stands on a broken leg in front of sirius or goes into the forest to fight aragog not out of righteousness, but out of choice. ron takes over the burden of preparing buckbeak’s defence when it is clear that hermione is approaching burnout. ron is completely right that harry hasn’t done any long-term planning for the horcrux hunt, and his anger does force harry to tighten up after he leaves the trio. ron has a clear head in the middle of battle. ron makes harry and hermione laugh. ron is unafraid of human emotion. ron arrests harry’s tendency to brood over the little things by looking at the bigger picture. ron will always come back.

ron is bringing his politician wife regular cups of tea and making sure she doesn’t work all night. he is helping his lawyer wife to feel less upset over losing one case by reminding her that she’s won ten others. he is noticing stress creeping in and whirling her off for a dirty weekend, or even just a takeaway on the sofa. he is teaching his daughter to be proud of her ambition and his son to treat women as equals and both of his children that all you can do when you fuck up is apologise and try to do better. he is making hermione smile on the worst days of her life. he is helping her strategise her long-term goals when she gets stuck on the short-term ones. he is telling her straight when she needs to get it together. he is seeing a misogynistic head of department call hermione a ‘silly little girl’ and choosing to tell him exactly what he thinks of that.

ron is the ultimate wife guy. hermione is a very, very lucky lady.

[multifandumbmeg]

Thinking about how JJ was the only Pogue who ever really saw and respected Kiara, and that's why he was the endgame. John B and Pope aren't bad people, but ultimately they liked her because she was hot and maybe fun to hang out with. Since being rejected by her, both have actually been a lot more respectful of her and stopped treating her like an object. Of course JJ also finds her attractive, anyone with eyes would, but there was a marked difference in how he interacted with her season 1 and 2. Even as it became clear he had true romantic feelings for her, he kept his hands off apart from a few, truly friendly interactions- there was never an ulterior motive or sexual undertone to the way he touched her, as if he had intuited she didn't like that early on and abided (okay apart from that montage scene in episode one where they'e dancing, but note he doesn't actually touch her and it stops on good terms when she pretend slaps him, unlike the awkward icky reaction she gives John B and Pope every time they try something). He even says in season 1 that he "tried that door" and implies she rejected him, and I wonder if maybe he made a slight physical move once and after she reacted poorly, dutifully kept his hands off. That's respect. That's acknowledging her autonomy. Also, though they bicker sometimes when he calls out her rich privilege, he always either takes her side (or intervenes and diffuses in the case of that S1 argument with Pope), defends her, and maintains that she's one of them. Coming from the one with the least out of all of them, that's meaningful, and I think it's because he's the only one that (at least initially) sees her beyond the surface level. John B and especially Pope come with a litany of reasons they're not compatible long term with Kiara, which she is aware of; JJ's primary obstacle is himself.

Regarding emotional intimacy, this is another place Jiara stands out. While Kiara can be emotionally vulnerable with a number of people (not uncommon for girls, who are raised to be that way) JJ is only emotionally intimate with her, all the way back to season 1. He cries in front of her several times, even lets her hold and comfort him when he's at his lowest. Contrast this to his best friend in the world John B. Though JJ clearly cares about him a ton and they're both ride or die, John B completely turns a blind eye to his abuse and neglect. I'm sure he knows JJ doesn't want to talk about it, but in doing so he normalizes and accepts that behavior, which further entrenches the normalization to JJ. Kiara on the other hand is extremely direct in denouncing JJ's treatment from the start. Even if JJ doesn't directly open up about it until the hot tub scene, she makes it clear where she stands and that she's on his side, which is exactly why he knows she's safe to be vulnerable about it with her. Kiara also innately understands and is lenient with him in ways that others aren't. She seems to naturally see the direct connection between what he's feeling, why he is the way that is, and the way that he behaves, even when he's self-sabotaging. She knows him on a deeper level too, which terrifies him until he overcomes it- entirely thanks to her patient, repeated efforts to reassure him.

All this to say I love the interactions we're getting in season 4, even if there's surprisingly little physical intimacy. JJ being protective on main (although we already saw this in season 2 with Kiara and his dad), Kiara accepting him even at his stupidest because loves him warts and all, Kiara reaffirming her feelings for him often, JJ making an effort to do things that make her happy (like having a little date), and of course, once again JJ respecting her autonomy no questions asked (agreeing despite his own fears to let her go along on the diving venture).

They want the same things, they're innately comfortable with each other, they protect each other, they respect each other, and they know each other's value. And, of course, they also thoroughly enjoy each other's company. That's why they're perfect for each other.

[oimitocat]

TSWCP — CHAPTER 1

lee minho x m!reader

chapter summary; minho shouldn’t think of you as more than his friend, but he can’t help it. unknowing that it’s vice versa, he just tries to stay as good as a friend as he has been. not aware that you feel for him too. yet, the two of you keep deceiving yourselves.

content warning; subtle internalized homophobia + subtle insecurity + tension + constant change of pov (mainly minho’s)

content genre; idol au + actor au + fluff + slight angst + 9th member! reader

word count — 6.5k | m.list | a/n; enjoy ;)

minho doesn’t like the term crush. the word feels like an impossible possibility to something more with the person you have feelings for. he won’t say it out loud but he also doesn’t deny that he has feelings. sure, he acts cold and annoying and-

“-and weird but it’s okay. we like you just the way you are,” you say with a grin.

minho rolls his eyes at you. even if he’s all of those things, he shows love in his own way. he shows he cares in his own way. everyone knows this, members and fans alike. you could say his love language is acts of service. he won’t say it of course, he’ll deny anything and everything. the main thing he’s trying to deny right now is that he has a crush on you. his delusional self says it’s not a crush, it’s an actual feeling he knows can turn into reality. his other half is telling him he’s stupid if he thinks anything will happen.

after all there are a lot of factors he takes into consideration. the main two being– how conservative his country is and the idea he has created in his head that you would never look at him the way he hopes. it’s absurd, anyone would say, it’s clear as day how the two of you look at each other. minho has seen the ship tweets on twitter and videos or their “chemistry”. yet, he doesn’t see what everyone else sees… and he doesn’t realize it’s because of his fear.

his fear is acting out on his feelings genuinely and not for fan service. despite knowing he enjoys faking it so much.

that’s something you obviously don’t know. you silently preen at him when he walks past you and bats his pretty eyes at you. the nine of you are at a show. well, you’re all wrapping up. minho is in your eyesight at all times, unknowingly. you watch as he talks with felix about what they had just done. you always take in as much as you can, during promotions it’s harder to be… intimate.

“okay,” you say to yourself, rolling your eyes at yourself for the impure thought you had for a split second.

that definitely wasn’t the word but you also think it fits best. there’s just something more personal of being with minho alone in the comfort of your dorms. not just with minho, with everyone. you care for everyone the same. you watch out for everyone the same, it’s a dynamic you love. you know your fans love that side of you too; that caring and loving side you show towards the members. especially towards minho, the fans go crazy when you two are a little touchy & lovey.

at some point, the fan service wasn’t just fan service for you. you actually meant what you did.

there are things you take pride in. you take pride in your career, your honed skills- both in dancing and acting. you’re proud of your education accomplishments. you have reasons to be confident and you have a way of handling things that many point out and praise you for. still, you remain humble and only flex when needed.

hence, those are things that minho loves about you.

“s/n-ssi,” the host calls out, “could you record a video for us talking about your experience in the show?”

minho watches how you pause. he finds it adorable how your eyes widen.

“by myself?” you ask, cautious.

“you could invite one more member.”

he looks away the second your eyes fall on him. he plays dumb, like he’s already in his own business. yet, extremely aware of how you walk up to him. he braces himself for the question, yet, it doesn’t come. instead, you grab his hand and start to drag him. he should’ve known.

“y/n,” he groans.

you laugh, the sound bouncing around his head at how beautiful it is. he loves your laugh. “come on lee know,” he teases, “we gotta do our job.”

“it’s very quick,” the host says when the two of you join him with the camera man.

minho forces a smile. it indeed is a very quick recording. he doesn’t talk at all, simply listens to you and nods. the whole time it’s just you talking, but you’re hyper aware of minho next to you. the second, however, he looks at you, you stutter.

“-and i- no we- have not i mean, will- lee know why are you looking at me like that,” you accuse.

minho blinks, ears going red when he’s caught staring. he had hoped it wasn’t too obvious, he only tried to glance at you. guess he just couldn’t keep his eyes away from you even if he tried.

the host simply laughs and urges you to continue. minho, teasingly, keeps staring at you. you look at the ceiling as you keep talking, wrapping it up quick.

“ah, s/n-ssi it’s almost like you were rapping at the end there,” the host laughs.

“well you did say wrap it up, get it?”

minho makes a face of disgust. “please don’t,” he utters while the camera man and the host laugh at your witty humor.

later, when the episode airs, minho can’t help but watch the final part when you and him were “interviewed”. he obviously didn’t say much, he doesn’t focus on anything except you. how you smile as you talk, how you cracked up the ugliest joke known to humankind.

“-but it’s okay, we like you just the way you are,” he says at the end of the video and the editors have the joy to cue back at what y/n had said about him in the show.

he gives the video a like and goes to sleep.

the thing about promotions is that there is little time to yourself. it’s where you have the most cameras on you. it’s where you have the least sleep. that doesn’t really stop any of you from being any different, your group is known for being the way you are on cameras as you are off cameras.

you really dislikes the lack of sleep though. it’s a known fact it makes you grumpy. you already have a rbf, so the sleep fatigue makes it worse.

“you got pain killers?”

minho looks at you before shaking his head. you groan, closing your eyes and slumping into your seat. the van is full of four members aside from yourself. jisung is sleeping in the middle row seats, you really envy him.

“you can lean on me if you want to fall asleep,” he offers, his heart racing.

“no cus then you’ll fall asleep and blame me for making it an uncomfortable nap.”

minho laughs, absolutely enamored with how truthful that was. “yeah but you had less sleep than me, didn’t you go recite the script they sent in for the drama they casted you for?”

you hum, eyes closed. “yeah, it’s not that bad though. my lines are a mix of english and korean, super helpful.”

“oh wow,” he watches you, enjoying how exposed your neck is since you have it tilted back into the seat’s headrest. “fans will go crazy.”

you snort, “they go crazy regardless.”

that’s true.

he goes crazy too.

he falls silent, looking forward and listening to the sound of your breathing. you ended up humming softly, something you do when you’re trying to stay awake. he messes with the bag on his lap. he truly worries for you, shooting a drama takes out so much from you. he remembers how exhausted you were last time despite only appearing in the drama for 5 episodes and not the whole season.

“have they told you how long shooting will take?”

you sigh, never once opening your eyes. you cross your arms over your chest, “about six months.” minho’s brows shoot up, “minimum.”

“oh damn,” he watches as you swallow, not concealing how attentive he is to your adam’s apple. “when do you start?”

“next month, but they won’t air any of the trailers until… what month are we in?”

“august,” he says.

“like around march?”

“we have a comeback around that time…” minho frowns, “is the company going to make you sit back?”

“like hell i will, even if they offer it, i’m not stopping my activities with the group over a drama, i can handle it.”

minho says nothing, knowing that when you decide on something no one can change your mind. there’s a reason fans compare you to chan, feared by jyp due to the potential and privileges you two have. exceptional workers. minho loves seeing that stubborn side of you. it’s amusing during games, it’s hot during tense conversations with management and it’s enamoring when you talk to him about your plans.

only he knows even the most intimate details of you. your past and what you dream for your future.

he knows you can handle it… but only to an extent. you’re dear to him, anyone with eyes can see it. even when the members speak about who minho has a soft spot for- you are among the short list.

it’s a mutual thing, recognizable for the eye to see… just not for the two of you.

anyone else sees it.

they see how you look at minho as if he hangs the stars. they see how he looks at you with soft eyes, like you hold the world.

“we start working on recordings tomorrow,” he comments.

“i know.”

minho opens his bag and and pulls out a water bottle. he uncaps it and hands it to you, nudging your elbow with it. you open your eyes, raise your head and look at him questioningly. he eyes you, nudging you once more with the bottle. it’s a silent order, so you take it. your eyes follow down to his hands as he pulls out-

“YOU DID HAVE PILLS!”

“y/n~! shut up!” jisung groans.

you take pride in many things. minho knows what they are.

“one - two - three, four, five - six a~nd seven,” minho recites rhythmically as he watches you through the mirror.

you started shooting the drama last week and you’re behind. the company enforces the group to practice the b side that will be promoted, for those are the ones 3RACHA decide first, the title track always being hard to choose.

you’re one of the main dancers. minho loves seeing you pour everything you have into your dance. the way your limbs move with both grace and power is something he enjoys watching.

he claps his hands and turns to you, “want to do it with music?”

you grimace but nod. doing it with music isn’t the same as practicing it without it. you have to learn how to synchronize the beats of your steps to the music. you learned that confidence is key, nine out of ten times , if you do things with confidence, you are bound to do it right. so you color no one surprised when you get it right. minho smiles at you, patting your arm in praise.

“good! now the chorus,” minho laughs.

you smile, watching him wipe the sweat off his forehead. he has no makeup on and you find that minho without makeup is the prettiest. you get to see his natural flush, he radiates something more when he’s without makeup. something beautiful.

“what?” he asks when he sees you haven’t moved.

“huh?” you blink, looking away.

he doesn’t say anything. he stares at you before bring the back of his hand to his cheek. they’re warm. ugh, he hates how visible his flusteredness gets when he’s without makeup. he shouldn’t overthink things either. you probably were staring at him because of how sweaty he is, nothing more. you have too many things in your mind, you have better things to think about. at the end of the day, he knows you would never look at him the way he wants.

“need a break?” you ask and he snaps out of it.

“eh? hey, i should be asking you that!” he gently shoves you.

you snort, “i’m the most talented person on this earth. i can handle anything.”

minho narrows his eyes and says nothing. the playfulness leaves as he takes in your tired eyes.

“how’s the drama coming along?” he asks softly as he sits on the floor.

you copy him, shrugging. “it’s going. the first few shots are the hardest in my opinion, because you have to make the most impact in the first two episodes. the directors are a little harsh on the female actors… i kinda don’t like that but i can’t do much about that..”

minho frowns, “have they upset you? the directors?”

“nah, i mean i am still new to the whole main lead thing, so i do need a little help here and there but other than that all good.” you smile.

minho nods, understanding. he stares at you, catching a glimpse of something in your eyes. he knows it too well. he can’t even get away before you tackle him.

“yah!” he yells, underneath your weight, “y/n!”

“ye~s?” you laugh, caging him under your arms.

“get off!” he demands, trying to push you off.

another thing about you is that you have a sleeper’s build. you don’t seem very strong but you are. certain clothes grant people to see that you are actually built, while others hide what your physique is. no one truly knows your strength until you show it. like now, minho himself is pretty strong but you always beat him.

“hm, how about no.”

“yah!”

“ah, you’re getting red!”

“i am not!”

you laugh before levitating yourself a bit, letting him breathe. he looks so pretty, now that you fully look down. with his hair fanned across the floor, his face a little red, his chest rising as he catches his breath. gorgeous.

then you lower yourself once more. he grunts.

“do not do push ups on top of me! you’re heavy!”

“how rude,” you pout as you lower yourself down again.

you’re so, so close! he swallows and lets out a soft, shuddered breath as you grin down at him. why do you have to be so good looking? he can’t even keep fighting you, he feels so weak underneath you. he closes his eyes when your face is inches away from his. he turns his head to the side, grunting when you put all your weight on him again.

he knows you’re messing with him, but his dirty mind can’t help but wonder what it would be like to have you on top of him. in a very different way, to have you lean down on him.

“are you guys practicing?” felix asks as he comes in, smiling brightly.

hyunjin comes after, looking directly at the two of you. “yah! what are you doing?”

“was just messing around,” you say with a wide smile as you roll off of minho.

minho says nothing, swallowing down the whimper he had wanted to let out when you got off of him. why does he like you so much? you’re the worst. for what, minho? for not liking you back? he thinks annoyingly.

felix tackles y/n to the ground. hyunjin sits down. minho hates how annoyed he is that they came in. it was supposed to just be you and him all night practicing. he wanted to be the main one to teach you the choreographies. he wanted to bask in your presence for as long as he could tonight before not seeing you all day tomorrow.

“how’s the drama coming? do you have any clips?” hyunjin asks, excited.

you cradle felix in your lap and peer over his shoulder. “i have one from today,” you point at your bag, “my phone’s in there, can you hand it to me?”

hyunjin scrambles to do so. he’s a big drama fanatic and knowing you’ll be acting in one as the main lead, he’s extremely excited. he won’t stop talking about it nonstop if anyone gives him the opportunity to do so. when you pull up the recording, he peers over hyunjin’s shoulder. minho would say he’s your number one fan- well, he won’t say it out loud but he is.

seeing you with your prop outfit does things to his heart. your hairstyle is clean, not exactly slicked back but something that compliments your face so much and exposes more of it. you look handsome, more so when you yell out a line, the other actors displaying fear from your outburst. the camera expands out to the room and a woman is sitting across the table from where you are at the end.

with a gasp, hyunjin asks, “WHO’S THAT?”

minho looks at you from under his lashes, wondering the same thing.

“that’s the female lead,” you pause, “you want her korean name or her english name?”

minho’s brows twitch from a furrow to neutral at the question.

“why do you know both?” felix snorts.

“everyone knows ours,” you argue.

“fair.”

“whichever,” hyunjin awaits.

“lee gayoung,” you say casually, “i’m pretty sure she’s done second female lead for two dramas before this.”

“what’s the plot about again?” hyunjin asks

“it’s kinda based on ancient mythology but the leads shift from modern times to ancient times. i’m not going to say much, the posters are about to come out,” you chuckle.

minho stares back at your phone as hyunjin hits play for the video to continue. the panel zooms in to the female lead, showing her dead serious expression.

“she’s so pretty,” hyunjin breathes out. “damn, some good actors were casted!”

“of course, i’m one of them,” you huff and tilt your chin up.

minho stares at the actress before the director yells out ‘cut!’ and whoever is holding the phone screams and moves the phone away from the screen where they were recording the shot. it panels to y/n walking away with a shy smile as staff members cheer.

“who was recording?” minho finds himself asking.

“huh? oh, some staff member,” you shrug.

there’s a bitter sensation in minho’s throat. he knows how popular you are with the ladies. you’re too friendly towards them without even meaning to. regardless of gender, he sees how others look at you— during award shows, music shows, interviews, wherever. you turn heads without knowing.

“we should keep practicing,” he says, catching your attention as well as hyunjin and felix’s.

“yeah we should,” you sigh, shoving felix off of you playfully.

yet, you couldn’t help but notice how only felix and hyunjin were teaching you more than minho. as if minho had distanced himself.

it’s probably just your tired mind making that up though,,,right?

on the odd times you have off, minho makes the most of it. his schedule isn’t as busy as yours, hence, it’s not hard for him to move some things around when you announce that you have an evening off. he quickly tells you to be ready to help him in the kitchen.

“cake?” you complain, “i’m feeling cheese danishes.”

minho scoops up a bit of cake frosting with his finger from the bowl and inspects it. “then make them. you’re the l/n y/n, you know how to do anything.” he smears it on your cheek. “don’t ya?”

“hey!” you immediately take a full hand of frosting and smear it all over his face.

he gasps and screams. his hands fly to grab your wrist and tug on it to get away from his face.

“i have to buy an ingredient, want to come with me?”

he glares at you as once he successfully wipes off the frosting from his eyes. “no.”

“what?” you gasp, “why not?”

“HELLO? YOU SMEARED A HANDFUL OF FROSTING IN MY FACE.”

“wash it off,” you huff. you stare at him as he furiously wipes his face with a towel. “or let me wash it for you.”

minho pauses, he turns to you before narrowing his eyes. “okay.”

“i knew you couldn’t resist me-“

“FORGET IT!”

you laugh as you tussle him to the kitchen sink. he’s strangely pliant as you gently bend him forward and run the faucet. he grumbles as you furiously wash his face, playful and annoying him. yet, you actually took your time and went gentle after a few seconds. wiping away at every crevice on his face, watching how his features don’t soften in case you try to pull something.

just as you close the faucet, you cup his face and squish it. he glares at you before pulling away and saying he’ll go in his current clothes while hanging up the apron.

“hai,” you announce as you pick up your wallet and keys.

the nearest grocery store isn’t far, maybe ten minutes by foot. minho enjoys these small moments, especially when he knows a busy schedule is coming up. the two of you had always had a strong bond, almost the way he has one with jisung. except you’re just a lot more special to him.

“what did we not have that you’re getting?” he asks as he looks over at you.

you look amazing under the lights. it’s slightly dark already, he loved seeing you in good lighting when you’re in nothing but a black top and grey sweats. his favorite look on you, call him basic, he’s a sucker for you in almost anything anyway.

“just the dough. we have cream cheese and vanilla and everything else, just not the dough. i’m just buying one that’s ready to be in the oven.”

“hm? why not from scratch?”

“you think i want to do all that?” you ask like you’re offended.

minho pauses, staring at you as the two of you keep walking. he knows you mean well, yet it starts to dawn on him that you’re tired. you’re stressing with all the responsibilities and obligations you have on your shoulders. it’s been a week or two since you’ve actually even had an evening off. it’s almost the end of february, the weather is still chilly and he finds himself walking closer to you for warmth.

“you could’ve rested tonight,” he says softly, staring at the pavement as the two of you walk.

you sigh, “if i didn’t spend time with your or any of the members i would’ve been memorizing more of my script.”

minho’s heart sinks. you want an escape. yet, the thought of that warms him up at the same time.

“sorry… i do appreciate you spending your time with me,” he says, remembering your laugh from earlier when you smeared frosting on his face.

you pause, looking over at him. “is the lee minho saying something nice?”

“you know what-“ and minho turns around to walk the way the two of had came from.

“wha- hey!” you laugh and grab his arm, trying to pull him back but due to the lack of strength into it, he drags you instead.

minho knows you know he’s playing, still he would’ve liked it if you put in your strength and-

you yank him back and spin him around. he stumbles and falls into your chest. unsure of how he ended up in this position, he freezes. you wrap your arms around him, engulfing his slightly smaller frame into your body. for a moment, minho forgot how chilly it is.

“i’m fine, minho.” you say softly, “don’t worry about me, okay? let’s just do what we always do…”

minho swallows, the worry he’s been hiding coming to the surface. “okay.” he says in defeat, realizing he would’ve argued for you to get more rest and take care of yourself.

but he knows you. you don’t really like having people worry over you… it’s some sort of mental thing you have. you care for him because he understands you.

without another comment, the two of you go to the grocery and get what you need. you also spoil him. he knows you’ll never say no to him either. most of the time that he asks for anything is just to mess with you.

“can i get that?” and it would be a weird drink with a flavor you’ve never seen or heard.

“that?” and it’d be a random fruit.

“that too?” and it’d be a bag of your favorite chips.

“oh, i want that too.” and it’d be something he doesn’t need, like a pretty plate.

“we should get that.” and he finally just holds up two push pops.

at the end of the day he’s preening at how you always spend on him on stuff as useless as a plant that no one would have time to take care of. it happened before and you playfully held a grudge about it. to the fans it’s a funny grudge you still hold but the members know you’re playing about it.

“blegh, that’s disgusting,” you grimace as you spit out what you just tasted.

minho laughs evilly, enjoying your expression after tasting the drink he had chosen. this time you two are taking a different route back to the dorms. it’s safer to never go the same path twice in one day in case of sasaengs.

“i think it’s okay,” he lies, taking another sip.

“liar,” you huff.

he shrugs, chugging it down and throwing it in the nearest trash can. there’s a bus stop coming up, he notices your face on a poster. without a comment, he jogs up to it, coming face to face with it. you catch up, finding your spot next to him. you stare at the poster, not really caring for it but wondering what has minho so intrigued.

“you kissed her already?” he asks, soft and almost… actually you can’t make out that tone.

before him, is a large poster of you and gayoung, you’re holding her face, extremely close to your own. lips almost touching, actually he thinks they are touching, he just doesn’t want to believe it. he knows you’re bound to kiss at some point but.. already? her hands are comfortably on your chest and her eyes look up at you with the most enamored eyes ever.

“yeah, they wanted something raw for the posters, so we… kinda made out before almost pulling away and that’s how they got that shot.”

minho nods, “looks like you liked it too.” he says, mustering as much of a playful tease as he can.

you seemed to have believed it, “awe hell nah, i’m just doing what i’m getting paid for. oh! i think hyunjin is really going to love the poster designs though, cus see how under us kissing is a blended out scope of water with a boat and cherry trees? the scenery is beautiful for this drama, i think you guys would enjoy that more.”

he simply nods, eyeing gayoung’s enamored expression one more time before looking at your face on the poster. where she looks lovestruck and soft, your eyes seem like they’re burning with protection and desire. as if she was yours.

“yeah,” he says, looking away. “i’m sure we will..”

and no, he’s not jealous. that’s…. he swallows and clutches the push pop in his hand, that’s not what it is.

things are strange.

maybe you wouldn’t have noticed if seungmin didn’t point it out. the nine of you were recording an ep of family skz. you were the single uncle and the gag was that you and jisung liked lina.

“doesn’t minho look like gayoung with that wig?” you joke to hyunjin while on a small break from shooting.

“watch it, he’ll probably not talk to you for sure if he heard that,” seungmin says from behind.

“huh?” you turn to seungmin, unsure of why he sounded dead serious.

hyunjin snorts, “mm, for real. he’s already distant with you.”

“eh?” you turn to hyunjin now.

what are they on about?

“ever since the first trailer came out, he’s been ignoring you. said something about you being too busy to talk.”

that’s weird, just yesterday minho left an energy drink (your favorite one too) on your nightstand when you woke up to start your day. it’s strange, he indeed has not talked to you but he interacts with you in a different, silent way.

when recording starts back up, you try to interact with lina’s character but she (read:he) blatantly ignores you. at some point you complain to seungmin.

“yah, your wife isn’t being very respectful, she won’t answer me.”

“and why should i talk to anyone other than my husband?” lina sneers, leaning near seungmin.

seungmin blinks, “my wife is a free spirit.”

everyone laughs. later, as you’re all playing some sort of game of hide and seek (technically it’s two people blindfolded and everyone avoids getting hit with a wooden spoon). seungmin and hyunjin are the ones being blindfolded, you quickly jump over the couch to make it to the other side when hyunjin swings towards you. minho, who was running from seungmin bumps into you.

“oops-“ minho goes but slaps a hand over his mouth when seungmin spins around at the sound.

he pushes you further, so that you two could avoid getting caught. you look down at his pretty face as he pushes you to the wall and the two of you stand in the corner. he looks up at you and you can’t help but smile.

he narrows his eyes at you before looking away. you just keep staring at him.

the shooting continues and at the end the timer goes out and only hyunjin couldn’t catch anyone. seungmin caught two people, jeongin and you. you because lina had the nerve to make a sound and push you towards seungmin. you couldn’t really be upset, because the way he batted his pretty lashes at you as he basically handed you over to seungmin is something you engraved into your brain.

after the shooting you had to quickly change out of your prop clothes and pack up your things to go to the drama shooting site. it’s around noon already, minho watches you from afar as you rush to get your things while your manager fills in the other manager about the day’s schedule.

and that’s how you’ve lived the past week and a half. here and there. from one site to another. from one van to another. barely eating and resting. although you eat good portions when you do get the chance to eat. you needed to maintain your body after all.

he watches how everyone bids you farewell. he wants to as well, but the guilt of liking you more than as a friend makes him stop in his tracks. he settles to grab his pack and pack up his bag and any other things he had taken out. he makes sure his charger is there, his water bottle-

he freezes when an arm wraps around him and a body presses against his side.

“bye, min,” you say softly, “see you tomorrow at practice.”

he looks over at you, eyes slightly wide. now, up close after days of seeing you from a distance. “bye.. will you make it on time to practice?”

you think as you let him go, “i think so, i hope so.” you smile at him.

his heart churns, you still do your best to look lively despite how tired you are.

“okay, see you tomorrow,” he says.

and you go on to your next schedule.

he doesn’t get to see you at practice. the choreographer isn’t very happy about it, everyone's a little tense from his bitter mood. he even goes as far as rechecking with the manager if you’ll be performing the promotions with them. minho can’t help but imagine the pressure you have.

after about four hours of practice, you barge in. your manager trailing behind and giving both the groups manager and choreographer a rundown of the tardiness.

“i know you have things to do but when you’re in the practice room please do everything you can to do what you’re in here for,” the choreographer says gently, but everyone knows it’s passive aggressive.

you don’t look happy either, minho knows you. so after two hours of straight practice, you’re all finally given a break. you indeed did catch up, minho admires how determined you are. there’s just so many things he loves and appreciates about you.

“did recording not go well?” he asks softly as he sits next to you on the floor.

everyone is spread about, either laying on the floor or sitting.

your eyes are narrow, a sign that you’re in a bitter mood. “yeah, the other main cast kept messing up and we had to redo so many shots. me and gayoung got behind because of them, like-“

and you rant, your frustration evident. you’re tired, hungry, annoyed- of course you’re not happy. plus the choreographer’s bitter mood, you’re just not catching a break at all.

minho really can’t stay away from you. as much as he feels the conviction to keep distance due to these burning emotions, he just can’t.

“what was the scene you had to redo?”

“it’s too many of them, but the main one was where me and gayoung had to-“

“okay time’s up!” the choreographer yells out as he comes back.

“i’ll tell you later,” you say exhaustedly while getting up.

you don’t get to tell minho later. the choreographer makes you stay back two more hours to practice without the others. minho was reluctant, trying to talk to the choreographer to stay back with felix to help out but he was shut down. you reassured him that you’ll be fine.

you always are.

when you finally go back to the dorms, you’re on the verge of passing out. you like hygiene, but tonight you had no strength left in you. you don’t brush your teeth, you don’t shower. you just plop down on your bed after setting your alarm. sleep consumes you immediately, the discomfort of your skin sticky from sweat gone in an instant.

your alarm rings five hours later, your eyelids are heavy. you groan, whining into your pillow before forcefully pushing yourself off your bed. it’s 4 in the morning. you have to leave for the site at 5:30.

you rush around, grabbing your clothes before hopping into the shower. finally, you wash off last nights sweat, you brush your teeth and wash your face harshly to wake up. cold water wakes you up, but also makes you get so sleepy after you get out. still, you have a long day ahead of you.

it’s 5:20 when you finally get out your room. your backpack is bouncing off your back as you rush out to the kitchen. you stocked up in energy drinks two days ago-

“ah, minho,” you say, startled to see him at the fridge.

he perks up and closes the fridge. “i made you food… you should eat something before leaving-“

“the van will be here in,” you glance down at your watch, “8 minutes.”

“then take it and finish it in the van,” he argues, walking to the table and handing you the bowl of rice and sausage-

you stare at the plate before looking at him. “you made… octopus sausage?”

he shrugs, ignoring that you were implying how cute the act is. he could have just fried the sausage as it is but he went out of the way to make them look cute.

you smile, exhausted but touched by the action. “thanks min… i’ll see you.”

“you’re okay though?” he asks.

“huh?” you look at him confused as you shove an octopus sausage in your mouth.

while you chew, he explains, ignoring how cute you look with your mouth stuffed. “the first episode is airing today, meaning your on the final episodes of the season… you’ve been more at the site and practice room and studio than here…”

you stand up straight, looking away. “yeah i’m good… after recording is over i’ll be fully focused on our comeback…”

“y/n, you have like what, five episodes left? by the time we have our comeback you’ll still have two left… how are you fitting that?”

“i got it! i promise,” you assure before your phone rings. “ah, shit i gotta go- bye! thanks for the food!”

he sighs and watches you dash out.

weeks pass by, he sees you during the showcases. he sees how you rarely engage with anyone during behind the scenes. all he sees is a hollow shell acting in every part of life. you practiced until late at night. you're in a whole separate van. you have no life for a solid month. the exhaustion is so evident in you, everyone is worried. minho especially.

the drama is a hit. he knows so, hyunjin won’t shut up about it.

“yah, i know you like it but i think y/n is tired of hearing it,” he says annoyed.

hyunjin stops talking. he becomes guilty when you look over at minho and him from the chair where the stylist is getting you ready.

“it’s fine, min, i know the drama is good, i’m in it after all.” you joke.

minho stares at you. you’re so…. ugh he hates that he likes you. he just wants to hug you and cherish you and help you find rest in him. even when you’re in such a state you muster up jokes.

everyone sees those qualities of yours.

whenever he walks down the halls of the showcase buildings, idols and staff alike chat about you. if not you, then the drama. if not the drama, then the comeback.

he’s standing before a vending machine, waiting for the energy drink to drop, when he hears a giggle from beside.

“yah… s/n-sunbaenim looks very close with gayoung-ssi. i heard they have feelings for each other.”

“stop! i wouldn’t be surprised! at the press conference they looked so enchanted with each other!”

“plus they sat together! she wouldn’t stop accidentally touching his hand!”

the two girls squeal with excitement at the thought. minho’s brain goes blank just as the drink drops into the deposit.

“here,” he says with a brute tone as he hands you the energy drink.

“huh? oh, thanks you didn’t have to…” you trail off as he walks away.

that’s… strange. you stare at his figure before looking down at the can. minho felt different just now, but you quickly discard the worry.

minho wastes no time to check blogs when he’s in the van that takes them to the dorms. he’s tired but his curiosity is burning. indeed, after minutes of searching and looking, he finds pictures and videos that only fuel the rumor further. gayoung looks beautiful next to you. a clip of you taking out a peck of lint from her hair before a photoshoot that was done before the press conference. the way you smiled at her cheekily when she’d brush her fingers against yours when she’d go for the mic you two shared.

the way she’d chat with you and make you laugh.

when was the last time he had made you laugh?

your dynamic with her seems so much as what yours is- was with him.

and minho is reminded once more, how much potential you and gayoung have together.

🏷️ TAG LIST — @f1ln4dr3cl16mv33 @gnusihcom

©OIMITOCAT

©VICTORBUTNOTREALLY

[hwnglx]

which tarot card best represent the members of enhypen? like what they really are and what kind of person they want to be?

this was an interesting request! so, let's see 💌

heeseung

what he is: knight of pentacles

heeseung is extremely cautious. someone who takes slow, but steady and controlled approaches in basically all his endeavours. you will rarely catch him act recklessly. he's persistent, reliable, stable and has a practical mind. he also has this patience of steel, doesn't allow anyone to rile him up easily, but might be perceived as boring or stale at times.

what he wants to be: seven of wands

he wants to stand his ground more, courageously defend himself, his beliefs or opinions, and his people more. he wants to be more outspoken and not always be so obsessed over stability, like he wants to allow himself to lose his shit and temper sometimes and shout at someone if they do him wrong. there's this frustration in him, where he thinks he's always so easily worried over not overstepping any lines, and not doing anything or anyone wrong, he feels like he might appear defenseless and like an easy target because of it.

jay

what he is: king of swords and nine of wands

someone with a rational and logical mind, who can appear cold and detached a lot of the times. he's wise, intellectual, serious and knows how to keep a cool head throughout any of his endevours. he isn't someone who lets people get to him that easily, and can have his guard up sometimes in order to protect himself, which can make him come off kinda stoic and unapproachable sometimes. he can also come off more defensive and hard to crack than he'd like. people might struggle feeling comfortable with him due to this.

what he wants to be: six of pentacles

he wants to be more generous, giving and caring. he wants people to be more aware of his desire to help and support the people around him, and wishes they would feel more comfortable going up to him when they're in need of something. this is also just.. giving in general, i wanna go around and give all my loved ones gifts and shower them with things, so they understand i actually genuinely care about them. it seems like he's worried of his selfless heart not being recognised, and him being misunderstood as someone colder and more selfish than he actually is.

jake

what he is: moon and four of swords

hm, jake is someone who's prone to getting extremely anxious and insecure a lot of the times. he can struggle letting go of certain worries or deep fears, can often get fixated on negativity, feel pessimistic and struggle letting go of this darkness inside of him. he feels overwhelmed, but his mind never really truly gives him a break. he essentially feels trapped inside his head and doesn't know a way out. he can also have a tendency to hide many darker parts of himself, and can have struggles expressing it.. so it just lingers.

what he wants to be: five of pentacles and judgement

he isn't necessarily rejecting the negativity, but moreso wants to grow from it and transform from the pain. he wants the pain to turn him into a wiser, stronger and more self-aware person who understands his life-path, and gets out of his hopeless situation as a more knowledgable and powerful person. he wants the hurt in his life to guide him to a better place, and find awareness of his true inner calling by going through the dirt, but coming out the other side as a wiser man. he wants a fresh start, and feel like he's reborn. there might be this fear inside of him, that he's someone who's destined to struggle.

sunghoon

what he is: ace of cups

sunghoon is someone who connects to others on a profound level, and is in possession of good emotional understanding and sympathy for the people around him. his aura is very pleasant and gentle, people just enjoy being around him because he makes them feel comfortable, supported, listened to and heard. he's great at bonding with people, and just overall radiates this safe and agreeable vibe, which makes it easy for others to feel at ease when they're with him.

what he wants to be: seven of wands

so same card as heeseung; sunghoon wants to speak his mind more. he might think that people view him as too nice all the time, to the point where he won't voice his opinion or defend himself if necessary, just because he isn't the type to get angry or extremely emotional as quickly. i think this might come to him naturally (especially if he's a libra rising) but he doesn't want to constantly match his composure to other people, and sometimes be more selfish i feel like; he's just naturally very balanced and grounded, which can give off the wrong impression to others. i keep hearing “만만해” which means “he's easy” like he supposedly can't stand up for himself or fight when the situation calls for it.

jungwon

what he is: knight of wands and the world

hm, i see this as his two sides clashing; his impulsive side, and his perfectionistic side. he's always striked me as someone who's very picky, sets the people around him and himself up to immensely high standards. however, he can act in a rash manner sometimes, especially when it comes to his relationships, as well as come off stronger and more direct than he wishes to. i heard “도도함” which translates to something like “proud”, but it can be used to refer someone who just has this more elegant and chic demeanour.

i think jungwon might struggle balancing these two sides in him, where he can act or say things on impulse, again i keep sensing him just rubbing other people the wrong way sometimes, and him wanting to be more in control of himself. not only have a sense of inner balance, but also give off more of a deep, wise and mature aura.

what he wants to be: six of cups, five of wands and strength

yeah, this is kinda giving.. “i wish i could go back to the past and refrain myself at times when i ran my mouth.” i think he might've been someone who's fought a lot with others in the past, has gotten himself into plenty of arguments with people he actually cared about, which he seemingly can still beat himself up over today. “why did i let my pride get in the way of me being a decent person?” is what i heard.

i think he can be very prideful and stubborn at times, he does have an ego, which can drive him into this state of coming off offensive. he wants to be someone who's capable of suppressing his frustration more, and wants to be a person others can rely on, rather than feel offended by. he wants to display this pillar of comfort and strength for the people around him, someone you can lean on with an easy mind.

sunoo

what he is: ace of swords

sunoo is very witty, funny, intelligent, mentally quick. he's clever, full of interesting and exciting ideas, and has a mind that's always racing. he's also just a good communicator who's good with his words, eloquent and knows how to express himself in this effective manner, to get the point across sufficiently. he isn't someone who sugarcoats his words for anyone, like best believe sunoo will tell it to you as it is and give no damns, take it or leave it lol. he has a sharp and fast mind, and can often be a little judgemental of people who aren't the brightest. like i can see him thinking “are you dumb?” while judging some slower people lmaooo.

what he wants to be: five of wands

i'm sorry i snickered a little, it's cute..

sunoo wants to be more competitive and prove himself in a more effective manner. he might feel like people don't always take him seriously or perceive him as too weak and sensitive. sunoo wants to argue, he wants to people to come at him, because in the end he knows he can outsmart them anyway. he also just enjoys challenges and playful but healthy competitiveness. he likes the fun that comes from an exciting challenge, and likely feels drawn to people who aren't afraid to poke the bear and provoke him sometimes. i just keep hearing “boring”, i feel like rather than himself, he might feel that he just has too many boring people around him, and wants to feel more challenged, especially mentally. “let's fight bitch!” is what i heard. i'm crying. his energy is probably one of the most unserious one's i've read for recently, it used to be much deeper and a little more intense in the past.

ni-ki

what he is: temperance

ni-ki is just very chill, and balanced. he doesn't let things get to him as quickly, at least from an outsider's perspective, and doesn't allow external forces to bring him out of his balance. he can have this very agreeable and peaceful aura to him, and displays an air of patience and stability. he's composed, doesn't succumb to emotional extremes, and can have a soothing effect on the people around him due to his everlasting calm and serene demeanour.

what he wants to be: seven of swords and queen of cups

hm, i'm personally understanding this more as.. he wants people to recognise there's more beyond the peaceful surface. he is someone pretty emotional, also carries a great deal of compassion and empathy for the people around him, but can get misunderstood as being more of an “airhead” who just doesn't really feel anything as strongly, or doesn't care.

ni-ki can often feel and understand people's emotions as if they were his own and absorb them in a profound manner, but isn't very good at showcasing it. he has more of a tendency to hide the more emotional parts of himself, and might have a lot of problems voicing the way he feels, which might result in him feeling misunderstood. like i can sense him feeling like people might think he can't ever relate or understand their standpoint, although he absolutely does and can a lot of the time. it just isn't on display for them to perceive it.

[most-datable-datable-bracket]

ROUND 5 MATCH 3

Elliott propaganda:

“Just look at him. Pure hunk energy.”

“I will punch anyone who dislikes him. He’s like a fire emblem character in the modern day. He’s so flamboyant and handsome, he can play the piano and he’s best friends with the old fishing man!”

“dramatic writer man with sexy hair”

"Since I like elliott. I will state some reasons why I like him

Imagine if Mr. Darcy didn’t insult your family first time you met him, that’s Elliott. The man who’s basically the hallmark romance love interest. He’s a writer who moves to the small town in the country side to find inspiration for his writing. Then he finds the farmer.

He has a crab living in his pocket

He can play the piano (hopefully it isn’t the river flows in you however)

His fans sometimes hc him as a merman and that’s just a major plus IMO

He genre of the book he writes is dependent on what genre you say you like.

He also sends letters to you if you marry him

Okay and also some things I dislike

His liked gifts, the easiest one is pomegranates, which cost like 6000g to grow a tree if you don’t pick the fruit cave. I AM NOT GETTING SQUID INK IN YEAR ONE FOR YOU.

he might be British /j

The fact he has no kitchen but still likes food like lobster, like he is just a mystery. Lives in a cabin, with no kitchen, no washroom (okay no character has a washroom), but still likes the most fancy food out there and has luscious hair worthy of a L’Oréal ad.

Gifting him on rainy days when you don’t have two hearts"

Dimitri propaganda:

“He's chivalrous, he's blood thirsty, all rolled up into one package and calling you "his beloved". Get you a man who can do both.”

“My husband <3 He's schizophrenic just like me and I love him for that.”

"First, look at him. No disrespect to the monster lovers, but even if blonde, blue-eyed hunks aren't your thing, you can't deny that Dimitri is very pretty.

Second, one of the things I love most about Dimitri is how self aware he is of his privilege as a prince (or king) and how seriously he treats the gravity of his position. He has a strong sense of duty and wants to be a good leader who listens to and provides for the needs of all of his people. This includes the citizens of Duscur, who were nearly wiped out by his own countrymen in (mistaken) retaliation for his father's murder. His commitment to righting this wrong is one of his primary goals in life.

Third, while he is more than capable of crushing a man's skull with his bare hands, under normal circumstances he absolutely wouldn't. A large part of the reason why his fall is so shocking and devastating to witness is because by the time he snaps, we know that Dimitri is actually a kind and gentle soul who hates violence and understands that even his enemies are human. Even at his worst point he still recognizes this, which feeds into his extreme self loathing. He extends compassion and forgiveness to others but struggles mightily to allow himself any forbearance for his own mistakes. He's kind quite literally to a fault, as his empathy is both his greatest strength AND his biggest flaw and I find that as heartwarming as it is heartbreaking."

"Okay first for all the "he needs therapy haha funny" (and its annoying corollary "I can fix him") comments, 1) don't we all? And 2) you can't romance him til end game when he is in a much healthier place due to his own choice to change his priorities and the support of you and his friends. He battles daily with severe mental illness in a repressed society that doesn't talk about it. And on multiple occasions tells people that it is okay to feel your feelings and offers support despite his own struggles (I include that bc that is a date able trait to me). If he's not your fave that's cool, but leave the ableist language out of it pretty please 💙💙 Okay reasons he should be your boyfriend now!!

He calls you his beloved and wants to hold your hand 🥺

His happiest moments in game are when you smile

And in conclusion, he is shaped like a dorito and has a huge cloak to snuggle you up in"

[nomoreusername]

The Fandom Versions of TMR Characters

The TMR fandom is amazing. It has a significant number of great people. It has some very talented editors and writers.

However, like every fandom with a good following, it has its issues. One of its worst ones is honestly one of the most obnoxious things one can have in my opinion.

It has awful mischaracterization. It's less of completely changing a character's personality and more of going off one trait and making that all that they are.

It feels like Thomas gets portrayed as an idiot who only asks questions or doesn't ever listen to anyone. He also gets called overrated even though he's the main character of the series.

We first get introduced to him when he's a Greenie with no memory (except for his name in the books). Of course he’s going to want to know what is happening to him. The Glader's start out revealing very little to not intimidate the Greenie's which has to be frustrating. While it is clear he wants to figure almost everything out throughout the series, that's a very human trait. He’s also definitely not stupid. WCKD/WICKED picked him to work with them because they saw something in him. He is incredibly intelligent and quick on his feet. A lot of the time, he’s given no notice to make a decision. He just has to make it. Whether it's running into the Maze to save Minho and Alby, having to decide whether or not to go through with Newt’s note, or going back to the place that started all the pain and torture, he wasn't truly given time to prepare for such important and life-changing decisions. Despite this, he always did his best to make them.

Newt probably has the worst fanbase. I love him as a character. He’s been through so much and is still doing his best to keep everyone in line and afloat which is extremely admirable.

The problem is that people water his character down. They’ll treat him as though he isn't a Second-in-command, the second longest surviving Glader, a suicide survivor, and resilient to the most dangerous situations.

Newt is not someone who would need protection. If anything, he was a protector. He would have to do things such as banish Gladers (his friends), to protect the other ones. He was a Runner before he got a limp. He stood up to Thomas in the movies when he thought he was just being paranoid, showing that even though he does love his friends, he isn't afraid to confront them if he thinks they are wrong. The way he still remains loyal to the people he loves when he does though, is another trait that deserves more acknowledgement. He went out of his way in the movies to hide that he was slowly dying in front of everyone’s eyes and losing his mind just for Minho. He never expected to make it but didn't care. In the books, he lied to his friends about being taken to protect them from himself. He’s so strong, self aware and beautifully written.

Minho is sarcastic and does have witty comebacks. However, he’s so much more than that.

He was the Keeper of the Runners. For around three years he was not only doing the most deadly job, but training others to do it as well. He wasn't allowed to have fear or be weak in the Maze. Not when the cost would have been his life. Something more complex about him is the way he covers up his actual emotions. During Chuck's death in the movies everyone else is allowing their tears to fall. However, he closed his eyes so he wouldn't cry. Whether it's because he doesn't want to cry in front of people or just doesn't want to cry is uncertain, but both are painful to think about. Another thing about him is very subtle character development. When he first gets caught in the Maze, not only does he give up at first, he at one point leaves Thomas and Alby behind, showing his intense desperation to live despite him wanting to stay realistic. In the last two movies we don't see any other instances of him being willing to accept defeat or leaving others behind. While he may have been given the tag ‘the leader' it isn't something that could ever or should ever be denied about him.

His bond with Newt is also something that honestly deserves more recognition. From the way he dropped to his knees in the movies to how Thomas didn't tell him how he really died due to how much the two cared for each other, they are nothing less than platonic soulmates.

Gally gets a lot of hate. He’s seen as angry and ‘that character who killed Chuck’. In a lot of ways though, I think he's one of the most logical, relatable, and realistic characters.

While some people think he just randomly hated Thomas and Teresa, that's not at all true. In the movies, he seems civilized with him when they first meet. While his action of shoving him before he could go into the Maze may have seemed performative, the fear was most likely needed for Thomas to grasp the gravity of the situation. He can also be seen shaking hands with Thomas in Greenie night after the fight. In the books, he went through the changing. He was stung so he got some of his memories back the way Alby did. He told Thomas that he recognized him from those which was why he was suspicious towards him. His concerns were valid. Everything did change after Thomas and Teresa, and a lot of Gladers ended up dead. At one point, they had both worked for WICKED/WCKD. Something was up with them, the exact way he said there was. If someone came to my home and changed everything I knew I wouldn't trust them either. He cared for the Gladers and wanted the people he lived with for years to stay safe and be alive. He didn't want to just kill Teresa and Thomas. He wanted things to go back to how they were in a sense. He was afraid of leaving his home. He was afraid of change, the way so many people are.

He didn't kill Chuck. He would never hurt Chuck. In the books, WICKED had both him and Chuck under their control. In the movies, he was stung, meaning his actions did not belong to him. Even then, he was not aiming for the sweet kid. He was aiming for Thomas, who in his mind at the time, was one of the ones who had started him and his friends years of pain and suffering.

Movie Aris is my favorite. He is very sweet but the way people will describe him as innocent is wrong.

I do consider him and book Aris two different characters. So for now, this is strictly about him in the movies.

He’s seen alone when we first meet him. His friends are gone, and people are talking about him like a circus animal so it makes sense why he wouldn't want to be around anyone. He’s generally quieter than a lot of the main characters so he can get mistaken for just a background character. However, he literally got everyone out of WCKD. He never got any recognition for saving them, but he still did. When he does open his side of the door for everyone to get out there is at least one unconscious, previously armed guard on the ground, with his weapon now being held in his hand. This shows that he is capable of taking care of himself despite his at first glance passive demeanor. He knows to break the control pad to buy everyone time and books it. What must be less than an hour later, he’s helping take down Cranks with a single bat, also showing quick thinking from the way he knows to trip them so they could focus on getting away. Not to mention, he’s doing all of this after finding out his friend (and possible lover) is going to die. On a lighter note, we see his face light up and how much he talks with Sonya and Harriet when they all meet again, showing that he's not afraid of speaking to others. He just has a few and specific group of people he feels comfortable actually talking with, which is literally just being an introvert.

All of those are why he is not innocent or in need of saving. He knows how to look after himself and others.

That's just the basics of The Maze Runner fandom's mischaracterization problem.

[harmonictechnicality]

Memory Log: Day 52

part 1 here | part 2 here | part 3 here | part 5 here | part 6 here (ao3 link here)

After seeing his ink-smeared biography all over Eddie Munson’s arm, Steve becomes extremely motivated. Obsessed, even.

He assembles a makeshift army. Eddie’s Memory Soldiers, he calls it. Okay - he doesn’t call it that out loud, only to himself (because even Steve is self-aware enough to know how deranged this all sounds).

Steve compiles a ragtag group of Eddie’s friends to nudge his brain along faster. Band mates, theater dweebs, potheads that can carry a tune. All of them bring mixtapes on their visits. After two weekends, there’s already a fuckload of thrashy melodies for Eddie to choose from.

He lets them take the reins on this music-healing plan because there’s no fucking way Steve will be helpful in that department. It means less visits that include his presence, which sort of sucks, but it’s worth it. Worth it to get Eddie back to where he used to be.

Before Steve heads out for one of his morning visits, Robin interrogates him. Asks him the question he’s been ignoring for weeks.

“Steve… not to sound harsh, but why do you care so much?” 

Yeah. Why does he care so much? 

She quickly follows it up with, “I just didn’t know you two were friends now. So I’m just curious, I guess.”

They’re not friends. They’re lukewarm tolerators - tethered together by monster hunting and Dustin Henderson.

They’ve flirted, sure. But who doesn’t? Steve would flirt with half of the leggy cartoon characters that appear on Saturday Mornings if he could. So that’s a weak argument to assume they’re more than just friends. Tolerators. Whatever.

So he lies. To Robin. To himself. Lies so much that it sits in his stomach like motion sickness.

He answers the exact same way he’s been answering since day one:

“I’m just doing this for the kids, Robs.”

He’s pretty sure neither of them are buying that statement. He tries again. Stamps the words onto his confused brain. Considers writing them on his arm just like Eddie might do.

“I’m doing it for them.”

Eddie is always on his Walkman (Steve’s Walkman) now that he has skyscraper of cassettes on his desk. Pretty much every time Steve returns, Eddie is head banging. Won’t stop until the nurses scold him.

Or Steve. He’ll stop if Steve scolds him too.

“You can’t keep jostling up your brain, Munson.” Steve whips the headphones off of Eddie’s ears. “Gonna undo all of our hard work.”

“Our hard work?” Eddie attempts to grab the headphones back. Gives up as soon as their hands make contact. “And who might be included in this our that you speak of?”

“You know…” Me. “The doctors and nurses and your friends.”

“Right.”

This is how things have been going lately. Eddie teases him mercilessly and Steve bats it all away. Doesn’t encourage it for a second.

Which blows so hard because he wants to flirt back. Steve wants to know what Eddie feels like beyond tubes and bandages and hospital gowns. He wants way too much after watching Eddie fall asleep smiling that night. After finding out that Eddie scams his own mind into remembering Steve in technicolor details every day.

But it feels wrong. Deep down, there’s this part of Steve that worries that Eddie only likes the scribbled notes, the good qualities of himself. The non-prickster qualities.

He doesn’t scribble the bad qualities on his arm. Eddie lets himself forget about those every night. 

So it seems wrong. Unfair to let Eddie only remember the good parts of him and take advantage of his weak mind.

Life was a fucking breeze before Steve cared about not taking advantage of people. Shit, he used the world’s biggest advantage-taker before all of this evil wizard nonsense.

“Quiz me, Harrington.” Eddie insists.

So Steve does. Steve goes down the list of questions. Things that Eddie’s memory typically hesitates to recognize. 

Music helps Eddie remember his childhood memories the best.

That’s the biggest discovery they’ve made over the last fourteen days. Tapes that include songs from the early to mid 70’s have the biggest mental impact on his memory skills. Every day, he recalls more moments from his past.

Winter birthday parties. Recess and tire swings. Nineteen chickenpox. A pet hamster named Sterling.

“Can’t believe Wayne trusted you with a living creature.” Steve sneers.

“Never said he did.”

He always gets fuzzy with stuff from the late 70s though. And the early 80s is just a jumbled-up shit show. That’s when Eddie really starts failing his quiz.

“What year did you get the tattoo on your chest?”

“You mean this one?” Eddie pulls down the wrinkly hospital gown, exposing way too much of his collarbone. “Or this one?” He pulls the fabric down even further.

They must’ve finally turned the heat on in this place. Or maybe Steve’s sweater is just extra itchy, scratching his skin all splotchy red. He rubs furiously at the collar, spreads the flush all over by accident. 

His eyes dart up to the fluorescent lights. Away from Eddie’s chest. “Um… the… creepy guy.”

“You’ll sprain your neck looking up like that.”

“Good thing I’m in a hospital then.”

“Okay - seriously, what’s up with you?”

“Nothing.”

“Sure.” Eddie snorts. His heart monitor beeps faster. Steve hates that laughing must be a bit painful for him. “And he’s not some creepy guy. He’s a creepy demon. Please respect the body art and get your facts right.”

“Fine.”

Not flirting back makes Steve feel like he could break out into hives. He has a fucking stockpile of pickup lines. He hoards provocative catchphrases like a horny pack rat. Talking is becoming increasingly difficult when he can’t banter back the way he wants to.

“Don’t remember what year I got it.” Eddie admits. “Sorry.”

Steve pulls his focus away from the ceiling and scribbles that down:

Eddie still can’t remember when he got his tattoos.

“Gee mister,” Eddie imitates a very masculine Shirley Temple voice. “Am I failing the pop quiz already?”

Eddie remembers who Shirley Temple is (weird, but okay).

Eddie does a really shitty impression of Shirley Temple.

Steve just keeps writing. Not even writing words anymore, just moving the pen to stay focused. Stay distracted from flirting.

The energy starts to feel swampy and stiff as he continues to give short responses with lifeless enthusiasm. Steve can tell that Eddie is picking up on the weirdness too. 

He’s so fidgety. Drumming his fingers, twisting the one ring he’s allowed to wear on one of his less busted fingers. Bobbing his knees and kicking off his blankets. 

Eventually, Eddie puts his (Steve’s) headphones back on and closes his eyes. A nonverbal surrender. A borrowed Walkman instead of a white flag. Why does it feel so shitty to see that he is just as defeated as Steve?

Once Eddie is asleep, Steve peaks over at his arms.

The notes are still there. Fading, but there.

It shouldn’t jab him in the heart the way that it does every time he checks, but christ. It’s so fucked up.

Slowly but surely, Eddie is gaining pieces of his past, but never his present. Why the fuck is that? Steve is so selfishly pissed about that because he’s a main role in Eddie’s present life. 

He’s the one that’s here most days. He’s the one that listens to Eddie’s rants and incessant complaints. He’s the one that calls the nurses when Eddie is too prideful to admit when he’s in pain.

Steve should be remembered without smudgey reminders and foggy recollections.

Steve should be un-fucking-forgettable.

After an unhealthy amount of moping, he comes up with an idea. Well, Dustin comes up with an idea, actually. Steve bribed him with nougat and R-rated movie rentals to construct a gameplan.

“And you need Eddie to remember your favorite sweater…why?” Dustin’s mouth is full of chewy candy as he asks.

Steve chucks a raisinette at his dumb hat. “I thought we agreed this was a no questions asked request.”

“You suggested that.” Dustin points at Steve. “I never agreed to it though.”

This is the part Steve despises. If he admits it to others, he has to admit it to himself. And while he’s come a long way since that first day with Eddie, he’s not there yet. His pride can only take so much vulnerability before it fractures completely. “Just… I’m testing a theory I have on his newest memories.”

“Right. And what theory would that be?”

That he thinks about me in kissable ways. “That he remembers more than he gives himself credit for.”

Dustin chugs back his soda and scrunches the can in his grasp. “Okay. Well, the mixtape theory is working decently well with older memories, right?

“Yeah. Definitely.”

“So maybe it can work with newer memories too.”

Steve is lost already. “Meaning?”

“Find songs that relate to you.” Dustin shrugs like duh. He must sense Steve’s hesitation, so he sputters back into his brainy explanation. “Think about it: you’re there all the time -”

“Not all the time, but -”

“Shut the hell up. You’re there all the time, so he must remember the essence of Steve Harrington.”

Steve fake gags. “Don’t say essence, that’s fucking gross.”

“Will you stop interrupting? Jesus christ.” Dustin yells, scrunching the soda can even more with his irritation. “Just make a mixtape with stuff that relates to you. Get his current memories to stick with lyrics and shit.”

Steve twists his mouth to one side. Then the other. “That’s…”

“Genius?”

“I was gonna say worth a shot, but sure.” Steve agrees. “We’ll go with your conceited analysis.”

Dustin finally picks up the raisinette from earlier. Throws it back at Steve. “You should be nicer to me. I possibly just solved your dilemma.”

“I should be nicer to you?” Steve tosses the raisinette into his mouth, despite its questionable duration on the floor. “Dude, you’re never nice to me.”

“Yeah, but it’s affectionate hostility.”

“And that makes it better?”

“Basically, yeah.”

“Fine.” Steve rolls eyes, offers a hand to Dustin. “Thank you for the hostile affection.”

Dustin accepts the handshake. He’s overly smug about it too. “You’re very welcome.”

Memory Log: Day 53

Right away, Steve determines it’s a Kathy Day. Eddie is a verbal nightmare already, whining about the dead batteries in his tv remote.

“I’ll get Sam to grab some batteries when her shift starts.” Steve reassures the bitchy entity possessing Eddie Munson’s body at the moment.

“Why don’t you just get the damn batteries?” Eddie bites back. “You have legs, don’t you?”

“You have eyes, don’t you? Of course, I have fucking legs.” Steve can play it this game. Doesn’t want to but he can be just as obnoxious if Eddie keeps going with his attitude. “Please don’t pull this Kathy shit today.”

That simultaneously shuts them both up for a while. Steve begins flipping through one of the outdated magazines on Eddie’s desk, avoiding the escalated atmosphere. At this rate, there’s no fucking way Steve is going to bring up his mixtape. Kathy/Eddie will probably smash it. Roll over it with the wheels on his imprisoning hospital bed.

Eddie clears his throat, speaking softer than he did at Steve’s arrival. “You know… you were sort of a Kathy yourself yesterday.”

Eddie remembers Steve’s weird mood from the day before (needs to check Eddie’s arm notes to make sure he didn’t write that down).

“Yeah well… I’m allowed to be the pissy one sometimes.” Steve doesn’t look up. He just keeps pretending to read the fossilized magazine in his hand.

“Whatever you say, Harrington.” There’s another pause. Just as awkward as the last one. Their dynamics today are clashing harder than their music styles. Eddie breaks through the awkwardness once again. “So… what’s on the brain agenda today?”

Eddie remembers their pop quizzes.

Right. The quiz. The quiz that Steve has no intention of administering today because he’s supposed to give Eddie this stupid mixtape. 

And look, Steve is pretty good at avoiding shit - homework and phone calls and extended family members. He’s good at dodging shit too, like the relentless one-night stands that can never seem to take a goddamn hint.

But this situation is different because Steve would clearly like to avoid the potential weirdness of giving Eddie Munson a gift. However, he’s innately aware that this particular gift could be helpful. Maybe more to himself than to Eddie, but who knows? If Eddie gets his memory tank back on track and Steve gets someone that reciprocates his affections? 

The payoff might be worth the weirdness.

“I actually wanted to contribute to your…” Steve gestures apathetically at the stack of tapes.

Eddie looks over at them and then back to Steve. “Oh you mean, Munsonopolis?”

“Boooo.” Steve heckles him immediately for that.

“You think of something better then.”

Steve thinks about this way too hard. “The Ed-pire State Building.”

“Boooo.” Eddie imitates Steve’s heckling.

“Better than yours.”

“Says who?”

“Says anyone with a sense of humor.”

“Brave of you to call that a sense of humor.”

“What can I say?” Steve clicks his mouth twice and does the most douchey finger-gun bit, blowing out the nonexistent smoke from each index finger. “I’m something else.”

Eddie bites down over his lip, hard enough that it goes white for a second. Doesn’t take his eyes off of Steve while he bares down.

“You sure are, Steve.”

Oh shit - did they just mindlessly segue onto Flirtation Boulevard without even trying? Is it really that natural with Eddie? Damnit, Steve needs to get his mind on the task at hand.

“Here.” He walks over, lays the tape on Eddie’s lap.

“Is this another one from Gareth?” Eddie flips the tape over, studies the back. “Cause I already assured him that I remember the concert we went to back in ‘84.”

Eddie remembers one of his closest friends.

“No, this one is actually…” Just fucking own up, Steve. “Well, I made it.”

Eddie’s eyes do that sequin thing again. Almost turn into disco balls. “You made me a mixtape?”

Ugh. “Don’t get too flattered, Munson.” 

“Too late.”

Steve was afraid that might be the case. So he does his damndest to channel Dustin Henderson. Provide a scientific explanation to his crush-driven theory. “It’s just an extension of our little music experiment. Some stuff that will help you remember me.”

“And why exactly do you want me to remember you?” Eddie does the same lip biting thing from before. He bites harder, and the color stays white even longer this time.

Steve involuntarily glances down at Eddie’s arm, giving himself away.

“Oh.” Eddie stops biting his lip, swiftly lifts the blankets over his arms. Hiding what Steve already knows is there. “Look… that’s just -”

“You don’t have to explain yourself, really.”

Eddie looks down, nodding in agreement. “Right. But it’s not-”

“Eddie.” Steve places a firm hand on Eddie’s shoulder because he can’t. He can’t listen to whatever Eddie is about to confirm or deny. “It’s okay. I mean it.”

He’s not ready for it, for whatever barricade that’s between them to come crashing down. Steve didn’t bring the proper tools to shield himself from raw emotions or desperate declarations of true feelings. And from the way Eddie goes breathless and tense under Steve’s shoulder-grip, he doesn’t think Eddie has the proper tools for that either.

“So you uh…” Eddie peers down at Steve’s hand. Catches a glimpse then abruptly looks away again. “Do you want me to listen now or…”

God no. Steve releases his grip at that thought. “Wait till I leave.” 

“Got it.”

The rest of the visit goes both fairly smoothly. There are only a few lingering particles of awkward tension left behind. It doesn’t bother Steve, not necessarily. The whole day has been kind of all over the place, just like Eddie’s Literary Behavioral Scale. So this uneasy atmosphere is to be expected.

They talk about movies while Steve packs up his things to leave. Eddie asks about all the new movies that have come out since he’s been in the hospital. Steve tells him to make a list of the ones he’s interested in seeing. Tells him that they’ll have a marathon at his place once they’re released to vhs. Eddie says he knows a guy that sells bootlegs before the vhs release date, but Steve shoots that idea down so fucking fast.

It’s not their usual banter, but that’s okay. At least they're talking. Getting along. Tolerating one another at a lukewarm temperature again.

“Steve?”

“Yeah?” Steve is met with the most anxiety-ridden face. Eddie’s whole forehead is covered in wrinkles, like that one fancy dog breed that his next-door neighbor used to have. There’s no shimmer in Eddie’s eyes, no disco balls. It’s all just dull. Fearful.

“Sorry if the arm thing made you...” Eddie trips over his words. He pinches the skin between his eyes, makes his even more forehead wrinkles. “I don’t know what’s the word I’m looking for.. Uncomfortable, I guess.”

“Don’t worry. It didn’t.” It made Steve a lot of other things: gutted, determined, confused, sulky, smitten. But no. Worried did not make Steve’s grocery list of Feelings.

“Don’t forget to tell Sam about the batteries on your way out.”

Eddie remembers bitching about the batteries.

Yeah, Steve’s memory isn’t the faulty one here. Even so, Steve reassures him:

“I won’t forget, Eds.”

Day 56:

Wayne had a couple days off from work and took over Steve’s Wednesday and Thursday shifts in the hospital. It’s probably for the best - especially since Steve decided to do the most high school shit ever, and gift Eddie a fucking bouquet in the form of radio hits and plastic.

He’s breaking out from the stress, just marinating on what Eddie’s thoughts might be of the mixtape. It can’t be good. None of the songs are his typical riffs of eternal damnation or whatever. But it certainly sounds like Steve Harrington in a Speaker. So it better help him picture Steve dressed in the tackiest, most burnable sweaters imaginable, goddamnit.

But like, why is he breaking out from thinking about Eddie Munson? Absurd. All of it. The feelings and the acne. His weird little crush is making him regress into adolescent woes and it’s pissing him off.

After popping the zit and crossing his fingers that it’s not outrageously noticeable, Steve sucks in a deep breath, and heads into Eddie’s hospital room.

“There’s my favorite Material Girl.” Eddie lowers the headphones, smiles bonus-level wide.

Steve’s gulps. His face feels like a fucking toaster. “I take it you listened to the tape?”

“I didn’t just listen to the tape.” Eddie picks up the Walkman and smacks it against the side of his head. “I practically absorbed that bubblegum bullshit. Think some of it is still stuck in my teeth.”

Steve plays along, hoping that his face will return to its usual complexion. “You should see a dentist about that.”

“With what insurance?”

“That’s fair.” Steve slides his hands into his jean pockets. He’s so rigid. “So?”

“So?”

“Final conclusion?”

“Oh, I hated it.” Eddie says bluntly. “In a very stick-that-syringe-in-my-neck kind of way.”

“Shocker.” Steve actually expected a meaner response than that.

“Why did you put so many songs on there that use Girl in the title?”

“Hey - it’s not my fault that all of the rich poster child songs are about women.” Steve gets defensive about that one. Honestly, it’s true. There needs to be more music about wealthy guys with genetically flawless hair. Somebody needs to get on that shit so Steve can have more songs that apply to him.

“Whatever you say, man.” 

“So did it…” Steve is still standing. Hovering a bit. “Did it help?”

Eddie sticks out both of his arms, flipping to reveal his forearms to Steve.

They’re blank, besides the usual tattoos and contusions. They’re as blank as Eddie’s arms can be at the moment. No more Steve Cheat Sheet to be found.

Steve exhales all of his relief. “And you remember me?”

“Remembering you was never the problem, Steve.”

“It wasn’t?”

Eddie shakes his head. “But if I ever allowed myself to forget, I…” He taps rapidly over the Walkman. Steve’s Walkman. “I just didn’t wanna risk starting over.”

“Oh.”

“With you.”

The metaphorical arrow, the one Steve has alway seen on department store Valentines Day cards, goes straight through his chest. Eddie aims the words with you directly for Steve’s heart. Punctures that wall he built up after Nancy Wheeler.

The monitor connected to Eddie is beeping faster again. It’s not like that day Eddie was writhing in pain. No, it’s a different tempo.

It sounds like his nerves are conducting the pattern. He’s nervous. Steve is making him nervous.

Or Steve’s lack of response is making him nervous.

But how does Steve respond? Is this Eddie giving him permission to flirt back again? To keep driving down the detour of attraction, take the scenic route?

Eddie’s heart monitor is screaming, ‘say something, Steve.’

But Steve’s archive of failed relationships is screaming, back, ‘don’t fuck this up, dickhead.’

Steve tries to meet the two in the middle. Say something inviting yet keep it simple.

“So… do you wanna make fun of the shitty soap operas together?” 

Steve puts a little emphasis on the together part, hoping it’ll tame the monitor. Make the tones evenly paced. He lets his hand tap once against Eddie’s arm. Right over his newly blank wrist. So clean. No more scribbles.

“I don’t know, I’ll have to check my schedule.” Eddie teases with his words, sure. But his hand lifts up. Tapping Steve back. Twice. “I’m a very busy man, you see.”

Steve shoves him away, laughing as he does it. “You’re ridiculous.”

“You’re not wrong.”

His monitor is ballad again.

One of Eddie’s (many) doctors walks into the room during their third hour of mocking the Home Shopping Network. Eddie has developed an elaborate backstory that they’re all cyborgs who are taking civilian money to grow their army of killer robots. Steve is surprisingly on board with this theory after the second hour. Some red headed lady twitches her eyes way too much to be human.

The doctor runs a few tests, looks over Eddie’s chart, the typical procedure. However, at the end of the visit, he decides to put Eddie on a new medication for his headaches. 

Headaches…

Steve flips back to that first day he started visiting Eddie. Finds the note he passive-aggressively took back then:

Eddie has a headache (that’s not a memory thing - he’s just told Steve a thousand times now).

He fans through the other pages as well. At least two-thirds of them mention Eddie complaining about headaches. How did Steve miss this? How could he be so stupid? He was too busy fantasizing about Eddie’s chest tattoos and making shitty mixtapes, that he glossed over something so significant.

Dustin wouldn’t have missed this. Robin wouldn’t have missed this. Nancy definitely wouldn’t have missed this - hell, she would’ve already cracked the Case of the Missing Memories by now. 

Steve is the wrong man for this job. Not enough brainpower to fix a broken brain.

“Uh oh.” Eddie says. “Where you’d go, Harrington?”

Steve glances up to see Eddie pointing his finger at Steve’s head. “Just.. thinking.”

“Share with the class, please.”

Steve struggles to make his voice sound causal about this. “I should’ve known about the headaches. Paid better attention.”

“Are you joking?” Eddie asks. “Because if you are, we need to work on your delivery.”

“Not joking, no.”

Eddie’s tone is mildly annoyed, still gentle though. “Stevie… that guy gets paid a shitload of money to figure out my problems. Truly - the reason there’s no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is because it’s going straight into that guy’s pocket.”

Steve snorts. It’s even funnier to visualize because the doctor is kind of short.

“What I’m saying is, it’s his job to have a big brain.” Eddie’s eye contact is sharp. Broken bottle to his neck sharp. “And your job is to be my eye candy. Sit there and look cute while I try to not hack up my dinner.”

Steve’s hearing went crackly at all of the compliments. “Eye candy, huh?”

“Pretty much.”

Steve no longer has an excuse not to flirt back. Eddie has his mixtape; his arms are bare. He’s obviously encouraging it, even with the knowledge that Steve is a spoiled brat. He likes Steve, not just the good stuff. Eddie is still willing to pursue this even with Steve’s bad qualities.

So fuck it. Steve is gonna delve into his stockpile of pickup lines. He’s gonna rummage around his hoard of provocative catchprashes. Be the horny pack rat that he was born to be.

“Is the sitting part of my job description mandatory?” Steve leans forward, elbows resting on his knees.

“Oh, I’m very lenient on that detail.” Eddie’s voice drops lower. “The cute part… not so much.”

“So you’re only keeping me around for what? My great hair? My symmetrical bone structure? My biceps, maybe?”

“Definitely not your humility, that’s for damn sure.”

They share a smile as Steve gets up, inches closer to Eddie’s bed. He reaches out and pinches the sleeve of Eddie’s hospital gown between his fingers. He cautiously rubs it over a few times, waiting to see Eddie’s reaction to this droplet of affection.

Eddie catches Steve’s wrist with his other hand. Mirrors the rubbing motion Steve set in place with the material.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Steve nudges Eddie lightly. “Is this okay?”

And before he can even get a response back, Eddie’s face starts turning grayish-green. 

This happens. Eddie throws up biweekly, so it’s not a big deal at all. It’s just that Steve is usually not laying on the moves when Eddie is about to blow chunks. Honestly, it knocks Steve’s astronomical ego down a few notches.

He probably deserves it.

Eddie is really sick. He pukes three more times, and he starts running a fever after the second time. He’s all clammy and curled into a pillow, clutching it with shaky fingers.

It’s all side effects from the new medication apparently. Yeah, Eddie’s head is no longer splitting open, but his body is rejecting all of the cardboard hospital food.

Steve keeps an eye on him, not that he can do much about it. He gets a styrofoam cup of ice chips so Eddie can chew on it whenever his temperature spikes. He wipes the sweat off Eddie’s temples because one - it’s a nice gesture, and two - it gives him an excuse to be nearby.

The shivering is driving Steve crazy though. He’s so on edge just watching Eddie like this. Eddie keeps making jokes like ‘at least I’ll remember your stupid worried face in the morning’ or ‘damn, my past better be worth all of this.’ And Steve will chuckle halfheartedly each time.

The heart monitor is all jumpy now. Even, uneven, even, uneven. If Steve focuses on it for too long, it starts to sound like he’s driving by a highway collision. A pileup of beeps and tones.

He gets another cup of cafeteria coffee. Hopes the bitterness and chalky creamer will be enough to muffle his hearing. Steer his mind to an empty exit lane.

“What? No coffee for me?” Eddie is under an extra blanket now.

Steve scoots his chair even closer to Eddie’s bedside. “What’s the point? You’d just puke it all up.” He’s pretty lousy at supportive words, isn’t he?

“Aren’t visiting hours almost over?”

“You trying to get rid of me, Munson?”

“Never. Just figured you needed to catch the bus or whatever.”

Eddie remembers Steve taking the bus.

“Robin finally gave me my car back.” Steve conveniently leaves out how he demanded  for it to be returned to him. “So, I’ll stay until they kick me out… if that’s cool with you.”

He places his non-coffee holding hand over top of Eddie’s open palm. It’s sort of instinctual. Doesn’t give his mind a moment to wonder if this is crossing a line. 

Holding hands in a hospital doesn’t mean romance. It never has. People do it all time, no one bats an eye at them either. It’s just a gesture of helpless support. It’s what people do to signify, ‘I can’t heal you with medicine, but I can warm your under-circulated skin just a little.’

But when Eddie’s fingers curl around his own, Steve’s stomach swells like its romance. It swells with hot air, helium maybe. It swells and stays swollen. Stays thermal and full.

“Looks like I’m gonna have to pay my eye candy overtime.” Eddie’s face rushes all pinkish-red. Almost as if he’s trying to combat his blush with humor, but it’s not working. He’s all the colors now. And with or without them, he’s attractive.

“You don’t pay me at all.”

“You got me there.” Eddie shakes a frizzy curl in front of his cheek. A poor effort to hide his flushed face. “I’m a terrible employer.”

Steve traces the grooves of Eddie’s palm lines. Pretends that they form a railroad track. “The worst.”

Once his fever finally breaks, Eddie falls asleep. His body unfolds, his fingers uncurl. It’s a heavy sleep, one that makes him all languid and soft. Any traces of bones are questionable now.

And even though Steve is about to pass out from exhaustion, he doesn’t move his hand from Eddie’s. He’d rather give up his whole arm than move it.

Sam peaks in just before Steve nods off. She lets in the bright hallway light, not too much though. Not enough to wake Eddie. Honestly, not a lot of things wake Eddie up these days.

“Sorry.” Steve yawns. “I overstayed my welcome.”

She shrugs, checks the fluids in one of Eddie’s IV bags. “You know, you can stay the night, if you’d like.”

“Really?”

“It’s pretty late… you shouldn’t be driving on the highway at this time of night.”

“Won’t I…” Steve reworks the phrase. Tries to be less selfish about it. “Won’t you get in trouble for letting me stay?”

“Oh no.” She winks. “Because I never saw you here.”

Steve smirks. “Got it.”

“But if I did see you here,” She gestures her head to the door on her right. “I would tell you there’s extra pillows in the linen closet over there.”

Sam deserves a fucking raise. Steve would become a goddamn patron of this hospital just to give her more money. Let the godsend of a woman retire early for christ’s sake.

“Thanks, Sam.” Steve whispers.

“Thank you for keeping him company.” She whispers back. “He’s lucky to have someone like you.”

Steve doesn’t know if that’s true, if Eddie is lucky to have him, but he nods anyway. Gives a gentle wave as Sam heads back out of the room.

He sets the pillow next to Eddie’s leg, keeping their hands connected as he dozes off. Steve falls asleep the same way he used to fall asleep in class. All bent over in his chair, one cheek flattened out on the desk. It’s very reminiscent of that.

Only better because he’s with the guy that makes his chest swell, even when he’s being sarcastic or melodramatic. Even when he’s cobwebbed himself into a maze of cords. Even when he’s bitching about batteries and Steve’s vomit-inducing fashion sense.

Steve thinks maybe he likes the undesirable traits of Eddie Munson just as much as the desirable ones.

And once he’s knocked out entirely, the rhythm of his heart matches the beeping monitor hooked up to Eddie’s chest.

Day 57:

It’s been a long time since Steve has had a decent dream. And this dream he’s in right now? It’s fucking luxurious.

He’s at the hair salon, because of course he is - it’s his home away from home. 

His head is reclining back in that giant sink thing. The one that’s like a soup bowl for hair or whatever. The stylist is shampooing his scalp, scrubbing all of those foamy products into his roots. This is Steve’s favorite part of getting his hair done, he always feels blissed out of his mind afterward.

They keep washing it for the whole dream, digging their nails into his head, dunking water over his hair every so often. It’s downright perfection. A dream he could stay stuck in forever. 

The scenery of the dream flickers out, but the sensations linger as he gains consciousness. His squints both of his eyes open, immediately greeted by too much brightness, too much sunlight. Steve shuts them again, soaking up the remnants of his dream. The hair scratching that’s ongoing even though he’s awake.

Awake.

Steve is awake and can still feel all of that salon paradise. His brain finally wakes up enough to realize it isn’t a dream. It’s Eddie’s hands in his hair, combing it thoroughly.

Fuck, it feels so good too. Steve wonders if Eddie is aware of what he’s doing or if he’s also in that suspended place between awake and asleep.

It doesn’t matter, not really. It all feels way too incredible to care about the logistics. Steve nuzzles deeper into the pillow to hide the happy little hums that keep escaping through his mouth. 

Eddie doesn’t stop. He keeps moving his hand around. Twirling strands and releasing them. Ruffling strands and smoothing them. Massaging the pads of his fingers in all the right places. Every bit of it is dreamy. Better than the dream Steve initially believed to be unbeatable.

Being Eddie’s own personal petting zoo is way better. Miles, light years better. Is there any form of measurement longer than lightyears? Because it’s bigger and better than that too.

Eddie tugs a little harder, just once, but once is all it takes to make Steve melt. He open-mouth sighs into the pillow, hoping the fabric mutes the neediness of it. There’s drool on the pillow and it’s unclear if it’s from when he was asleep or if it occurred just from that one hair tug. 

“Steve?” Eddie’s voice still sounds coated in sleep. “Is this weird?”

Steve shakes his head no, still unable to lift his face from the pillow.

“Should I stop?”

Steve shakes his head much faster. Absolutely not. Stopping should be banished from Eddie’s vocabulary. The word ‘stop’ should be homeless as far as Steve is concerned.

Eddie tugs again, more firmly this time. The tug goes straight to Steve’s dick, which yikes. Humiliating. Yeah, it’s morning and this shit happens, but not this kind of boner. Not one brought on by hair salon fantasies and a metalhead with magical fingertips. This can’t be the reality of Steve’s life right now but somehow, it is.

“I think I combed through all of that cake-up hairspray.” Eddie talks as his hand continues to roam around Steve’s scalp. “Feels like cashmere now, so you’re welcome.”

Steve sighs again, pretty sure it’s much more audible this time because Eddie laughs.

“Embarrassing.” Steve mumbles. That’s all he can muster out without becoming a puddle of humiliation.

“The sounds you’re making?”

Steve nods.

“Oh that is not the adjective I would’ve gone with.” Eddie claws his fingers all the way down to Steve’s neck. “Not even close.”

Steve is all hormones now, all slurred speech and thoughtless words. “So good, Eddie.”

“Oh my god.” Eddie whines, sounds breathier than Steve. “You cannot say my name like that when I’m in a tissue-thin gown.”

Steve wants to sneak a peek, see if what Eddie is suggesting holds any truth. He resists, only because he’s trying to sort out his own tent-pitching problems at the moment.

He gradually lifts his head off of the pillow, back cracking as he straightens his spine out after hours of being shaped like fucking tetris piece. It’s the last thing he wants to do because it means Eddie has to take his hand out of Steve’s hair. But as Eddie pulls away, his knuckles brush against Steve’s ear, awakening this newfound urgency to not let this moment fizzle out.

Steve hops up onto the bed, sitting side-saddle next to Eddie. He looks through Eddie’s eyes, the ones that remind him of shimmery dresses and the backseat of his car on prom night. He looks through to find a reason to stop his actions. Stop his need to touch Eddie’s jawline or thumb over his lips. He’s searching for a reason to stop and finding none whatsoever.

“Do you remember me?”

“You’re Steve Harrington.” Eddie kind of stutters as he says it. “Hometown Slut extraordinaire.”

The nerdy bastard is never going to let that one go.

Steve gives a quiet laugh, leaning in to his impulses. He slides his thumb over Eddie’s bottom lip, curving around, mapping invisible outlines. A blueprint for his imagination when they’re apart later. “Am I reading this wrong?”

Eddie’s gaze is glued to Steve’s lips as he shakes his head no.

“Good.”

Steve uses his free hand to lift himself up, get closer. Breathing in the same stale oxygen, sucking up the same early morning courage, existing in the same dizzying climate.

He can feel Eddie exhale softly over his skin when there’s a knock at the door.

Steve has never stood up so fast in his damn life. Gets a head rush that’s so overwhelming that his vision speckles out momentarily. 

It’s Sam. Thank god it’s only Sam. But also, screw god for interrupting what almost happened just now. Not cool, sky man.

“Just a heads up,” she starts, shutting the door behind her. “You have another visitor that just arrived.”

Right. It's the weekend.

Steve and Eddie say it in unison. “Dustin.”

Sam hums in reply. “I can stall him for a couple minutes. Give you time to sneak out the stairs that are tucked in the back hallway.”

“You’re the best.” Steve says. “I’ll be quick.”

She leaves, cracking the door on her way out.

Both of them just look at each other for a moment. There’s no time to even discuss the events that just took place. No time to recover the kiss that is already sneaking out the back hallway stairs.

Steve nervously whistles. “So…”

“I’ll see you Monday?”

“Monday.” 48 hours apart seems insane. “Yeah.”

Steve hurriedly makes his way to the door - refusing his horny impulses the opportunity to kick back in and ruin everything. “See you later, Eds.”

Eddie licks over his bottom lip - the one Steve mapped out with his thumbprint. “Later, sailor.”

Um. What?

Steve’s eyes go large. “What did you just call me?”

“Go.” Eddie flashes the wickedest grin. “We’ll talk all about your ocean of flavor on Monday.”

This can’t be happening. “Ocean of -”

“Get out of here already!”

Steve flings himself out of the room, sprinting down the hall. Does Eddie actually recall Steve working at Starcourt? How can that be possible? Steve doesn’t remember seeing Eddie outside of school ever. 

Plus, they’ve never even talked about his job at Scoops Ahoy. Family Video? Sure, that’s more recent. But Scoops? Steve tries to forget just about everything from his time at that seaside shithole.

Goddamnit, this is confusing. The hair foreplay. The almost-kiss. The nautical nickname. Confusing is an understatement. Steve needs to go back to high school and learn a better word for what this is. Confusing isn’t cutting it anymore.

If Steve can make it till Monday without spiraling into a bucket of nerves, he deserves a fucking trophy.

And a kiss on the lips.

Mostly the second option (although a trophy would be nice too). 

[sunshades]

okay i want to talk about canto vi again. this line is one of my favorite- the reference to the same scene in the book is not only precise but it also catches an implication there always is in the book, that hindley calls his sister catherine in front of heathcliff to signal that is what he wants HIM to do. despite nelly's later claims that the two just didn't talk for Who Knows What Reason, they both remember why: it's hindley breaking the bond between the two by stressing the barrier of race and class, something he'll keep doing for the rest of his life.

in the book this scene is also reprised in the second half. i think everybody knows the canto blends together the two generations, and it's interesting how hindley's behavior often reflects book!heathcliff's in many instances, like in this one, where he does his best to make hareton feel ashamed of himself, by stressing on his role as a servant and lack of education and refinement compared to catherine, to the point of not speaking or even looking at her.

it's much of the same. like book!heathcliff, hindley is noted to be extremely proud of this little plan of his falling together.

BUT beside this the interaction that i think is very interesting in this same chapter is the one that follows, linton and catherine discussing hareton--

it's a terrible scene on all sides for hareton, but of the two catherine appears (as usual) as just being kind of a snobby sheltered girl, while linton has some real fun out of insulting someone who is "beneath" him, and he feels comfortable doing so because he's already seen his father do the same. going back to the first quote, it's interesting how hindley uses the laziness as an insult, as beside being racially charged, it's also referencing this scene and what book!linton says to hareton. it reinforces the fact that book!linton and book!heathcliff's dynamic is being reprised through linton and hindley:

it's probably linton's most noticeable character trait, straight from his namesake, that he is incredibly cruel but doesn't have the physical strength to act on it, instead having to rely on other people to do it in his stead.

it sources many other points of his character- much like in the book!linton, catherine, hareton dynamic, linton effectively offers nothing to catherine as a partner, with the only thing he could use to "win her over" being his degrading of another based on his presumed superiority, and in the end even his pursuit of catherine appears much less like "devotion" and more like his need to own yet another thing for his collection, one more trophy to show that he is worthy of his name and wealth.

this characterization is consistent, and he prizes the idea of this devotion that makes him superior to others, acting as if his love not being requited makes him a better man than heathcliff, and holding this devotion up as a shield to refuse taking the blame, trying hard to give the impression he was the one with no agency, even when he was completely aware catherine's mental health had completely deteriorated and she was a danger to herself and others

in the end hindley and linton are incredibly similar people- hindley uses violence to carry out the belief in his own superiority, and linton must use words, but they're both as cruel and self-centered as the characters they're based on

[the-s1lly-corner]

Various crps x reader who struggles w/ self care

I miss old creepypasta fandom sometimes (unrelated to the post)

Characters: slenderman, eyeless jack, nina the killer, masky

Notes: reader is GN, can be read as romantic or platonic, very self indulgent for the admin but hes keeping it mostly open/vague so those can also enjoy this, admin uses any pronouns for nina

CWs: none

SLENDERMAN

still in love with the idea that hes not fully aware of your needs as a human but hes knows the bare basic minimum- something about him not being a human himself and not regularly interacting with them to know what to look out for blah blah blah/lh

notices youre a little more down than usual and he does his best to find out whats wrong- are you sick? tired? hurt? is his human okay? its kind of like seeing someone fret over their pet, except its this old cryptid and his human friend

mostly stands off to the side and quietly passes you some water and snacks, keeps your glass full so you dont have to keep getting up- or a bottle of water if you would prefer!

though its not unlikely for him to get more assertive with his care, he might just pull you away from bed and try to get you cleaned up. if you let him hes going to be doing everything for you

will interfere with outside things so you can have a day to yourself to rest and recover (ex. fizzing out work calls, messing with any electronics if anyone is bothering you, ect ect, god forbid someones actually making you feel horrible on purpose)

EYELESS JACK

very good at reminding you to drink water and take your meds (if you have them), i like to think that sometimes he lives vicariously through you because you can still eat human foods and that bleeds into generally what you need to put in your body-

what i mean to say is that he is great at keeping track of things for you if you struggle with it! time, energy, or just not having the motivation, hes making sure you get what you need even if you cant do it yourself

does his best to get you some extra boost of vitamins and stuff in an attempt to boost your energy/mood, obviously he knows its not going to be a magic fix but its better than nothing.. hes the one cooking though! for reasons that align with the first bullet point!

very straight forward and blunt when asking if theres anything wrong, he can come off as disinterested or annoyed based off of his tone but genuinely hes trying his best to help you open up... jack himself isnt used to opening up so he doesnt have much experience being gentle and soft

brushes through your hair before you both go to bed

NINA THE KILLER

nina can be a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to this sort of thing as they tend to not... take very good care of themselves.. though its mostly out of not remembering to keep to a routine

does her best to get you to go out and do something with her that will eventually lead to you taking care of yourself in some way- asking you out for lunch or doing an activity that gets you extremely messy so you have to go take a shower

if your lack of proper self care is caused by any personal struggles you may be facing, nina makes it more than clear that you can go to them to talk

easily the most non judgmental person ever, you can tell her nearly everything and shes not going to think of you any differently

opens up about her own struggles to make you feel less alone

THE monarch of reminding you to take your meds, if you have them

MASKY

watches you from the side like a cat, kind of just keeps an eye on you throughout the day to make sure you're still kicking

will push a plate of snacks and your meds to you- like a cursed little charcuterie board!

he would make you a meal but ignoring the fact hes not a good cook at all, he feels it would be easier on you to just have snacks.. better something than nothing

will keep you in bed if youre tired or sore, will keep you pinned to him if he needs to- you might just take it as him wanting to cuddle...

and he never cuddles so to you this is a once in a blue moon experience!

or do you need to get up and stretch? hes going to do something to get you up, be it pestering you until you come to get him to pipe down or trying to get your assistance for something

might even lift his mask up next to you to get you to brush his teeth with him